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Angela, Counselor
Category: Relationship
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I have been seeing someone for the past 4 months and care about

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I have been seeing someone for the past 4 months and care about him very much. He has PTSD and is going through alot of stress right now (divorce/military retirement) and has asked for time to deal with these issues. He says this has very little to do with me and is about him trying to get his life back on track. He says he does care for me as well, but does not know how or if I can help him with any of this. I am devestated, I miss him so much. We have had very open and honest communication in out relationship and for him now to withdraw hurts. We get along great, have talked about the possibility of a future together, laugh alot, and enjoy time together. I have not talked to him in 4 days and have been absolutely miserable. I did email him 2 days ago to let him know that he did not have to respond but that I was thinking of him and would be there when he is ready. He replied this morning to let me know he is doing well and would talk to me soon. I guess my question is what do I do for now? Do I just wait and give him time? I do not want to live without him.
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Angela replied 7 years ago.
Hello Markval,
Yes you should wait and give him time. It is great that he was able to be honest with you and to tell you what his issues are. He is dealing with a great deal: ptsd, divorce, and retirement and it sounds like he knows this and realizes that he just needs some time to work through it. So please continue to be patient in spite of how hard this is. He responded to your email which is also a positive sign as well. Once he is ready to talk to you, you could ask him would he like to go to counseling (alone or with you) to help him further sort out the issues involved with ptsd, divorce, and retirement? Also, please remember that intruding on the space that he needs right now could push him farther away from you which is why I recommend giving him space. Also, as you are giving him space you could focus on yourself by writing down your feelings and talking to a person you can trust about what you are currently going through. I suggest this because usually the more you write/talk about your situation, the more it helps you to deal with it and to get just a little bit of relief because you are not holding it in. Also, if you write about your feelings once you are finished writing, close it out by meditating....simply breathe in and out with your eyes closed while you think about something that brings you peace for example: such as a beautiful blue ocean with gentle whispering waves. Meditating will also help you to feel better.
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