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Dr. Keane
Dr. Keane, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1768
Experience:  PHD LPC
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My ex and I have been on the fence for quite a while now. Finally,

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My ex and I have been on the fence for quite a while now. Finally, after our second try at a relationship, we failed and he didn't want anything further. I told him that I wouldn't talk to him until next school year, so it would be in September. But it's only been two weeks and I still miss him so much. I've accepted that getting back together is not a possibility, but I miss talking to him and having him as a friend. And I see him everyday, so it hurts to think about him everyday when I don't want to. Should I try to talk to him or keep ignoring him until September?
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Keane replied 7 years ago.
As hard as it may be and as sad as you feel your best bet is to leave him be until either he contacts you or September comes. Whatever your reason was for putting a time limit on no contact it's done now and if you contact him now you will seem desperate. He doesn't want the relationship anymore and as much as it hurts you have to let time do it's job. Time does help even though you may not feel that way right now.
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Customer: replied 7 years ago.
It's just that I see him everyday during swim practice. And it is so awkward to completely ignore him and see him when I don't want to at all. I have two more weeks in the season left, and after that I won't ever see him again because we live in two completely different worlds. But the catch is that in our last week, our whole team will be going away for a week for a conference meet and I will see him for 12 hours a day for 5 days straight. I just would like to be in good contact with him then so it won't be awkward with all that time we see each other. I can't even check in on him and see how he is doing? I know it is difficult.
Expert:  Dr. Keane replied 7 years ago.
Hi, that could be a problem especially if you are at the same conference meet. So, rework my last answer... be cordial when you see him, smile, say hello and how are you. That way you are addressing his presence but not showing your feelings. Try and keep them under wraps for now. Give him the space he needs. Whatever you do, DO NOT get together with him alone at the meet. You would be doing yourself a huge disservice and it would only hurt you more. Good luck.
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Customer: replied 7 years ago.
Do you think it was a good idea that I decided to not talk to him until next year? I made that decision because I didn't think it would be fair for either of us if we kept talking and again try at a relationship, and have it not work out...again. I want us to either want to be together or not at all, so that we can actually be friends for once. We've been like this for a whole year, and when we did talk as friends before, we just got into a lot of fights and I didn't want that to happen again.
Expert:  Dr. Keane replied 7 years ago.
Hi. You made that decision based on how you felt and how your relationship has deteriorated. It was your call and your idea. I would suggest you stop second guessing yourself or this could turn into some type of obsessive thought, whether you did the right thing or not. Just say hello if you see him and move on. You are in a position where you will see each other until swim season is over. Like I said earlier, just be cordial.
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