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Angela, Counselor
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  n/a
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my husband and i have been together for 7 years, we have a

Customer Question

my husband and i have been together for 7 years, we have a beautiful 2 1/2 year old son. my mom died 19 days after my son was born, and i have emotionally pushed my husband away. my husband has emotional issues from when he was in iraq. Recently i have been talking to this other guy, against my husbands wishes. me and this other guy have never been intamant. buy my husband doesn't think that is true because i hid my friendship with this other guy. when my husband told me to stop talking to him or our relationship would be over, i thought he was just over reacting. But when he saw that me and this other guy were still talking, he flipped. He said something died inside of him and he is not in love with me anymore and he wants a separation. he said he can't trust me anymore and can't get this out of his head. How can i get my husband back and rekindle our love that we once had?
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Angela replied 7 years ago.
Hello Jaguest,
Based upon the seriousness of your situation, I would recommend going to couple's therapy to save your marriage. Also, it sounds like you haven't really grieved the lost of your mom (-grief happens in stages such as denial, anger, and etc.) which could be why you pushed your husband emotionally away when your mother died. Going to a therapist can also help you deal with the various stages of grief and process them in a healthy manner. Even though your mother's death occurred 2.5 years ago, you still need to go through the stages of grieving. Also, the issues that your husband has from being in Iraq could also be addressed in therapy. It would be best if you go together to work on specific marital issues and then you could decide if you want to go individually or together to work on the other issues such as Iraq and grieving your mother's lost. A therapist will help to keep you both on the same page and ensure that you are both understanding each other. Without question the friendship you have with this other gentleman will be top on the list to discuss for couple's therapy. Also, keep in mind that your husband is more than likely feeling threatened by the friendship due to you emotionally pushing him away and due to you appearing to emotionally bond with another man, which is also why I suggest going to therapy. Tell your husband that you love him and want to keep your marriage and that you are willing to go to therapy to work on your issues (-but don't say this if you do not mean it or will not do it).

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