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Angela, Counselor
Category: Relationship
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I am in a pretty new relationship that has progressed well

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I am in a pretty new relationship that has progressed well for the last 7 weeks. I know he is falling in love with me (he accidently said I love you the other day when I kissed him good bye) and has told me I am his best friend. He is newly divorced, 5 months, after being married for 22 years.

We had a misunderstanding the other night that resulted in him going home instead of staying and even though I apologized and asked for forgiveness for my part in the whole thing, he has simply informed me that he "doesn't want to make a snap descion about us and needs several days of alone time." He says he's confused.

I feel like I am on the chopping block with the whole future of us in his hand and no say in the matter. It is very uncomfortable for me. I don't want to throw the baby out with the bath water but do feel like it really was jsut a misunderstanding and to judge me for three or four or more days based on what he thinks I said and not reality is really not fair. Thoughts?
Hello Jaguest,
Based on what you have written, I think it is best to give him some time and to be patient so that you both can make the right choice as your relationship progresses. I write this because he was married for 22 years and divorced only 5 months...being divorced for only 5 months is not a great deal of time to process his feelings about the 22 years of marriage ending (-regardless of if he says he's over it, you don't get over 22 years of marriage in simply 5 months wether the marriage was good or bad during the majority of those years). This is why I think he maybe feeling confused regardless of the details of the misunderstanding that the two of you had. I think it is necessary to give him some space to think and don't feel as if he is judging you because 5 months is not a long time to get over a 22 year marriage. If he really is falling in love with you, then he will without question come back to you. However, the last thing that either of you need is to get deeply hurt due to you both of you starting this relationship if he is not ready, so giving him time is a good thing.
Customer: replied 7 years ago.
Thanks Angela, so if I read this correctly, you think that maybe our upset was just a catalyst? Everything has been going so well and we were going to havae dinner with my parents last night which didn't happpen and had plans for super bowl today, all of which he palnned during the it's all canceled, I feel awful and have no idea when or if I'll hear from him. I can't stop crying. And feel like a total relationship failure, that I had someone really great in my life and for God knows what reason, shared too much, upset him and drove him away.
Yes you understood me just fine. Again, I think a large part of this is due to him not having enough time to get over his 22 year marriage ending. I am sorry that you are hurting and are upset, but again, if he really loves you he will come back. Since you have not heard from him what you could do is briefly let him know again: you love him and will give him the space that he needs and you will be waiting until he has taking the time he needs. If you do this, I mention due it briefly because he needs some space right now, so I don't recommend calling him but instead you could send him a quick email, text message, or some other method that is brief and to the point so as not to intrude upon the space that he needs (-intruding on the space that he needs could just push him farther away from you which is why I recommend giving him space). Also, another thing you could do to focus on you because you are hurting, is to write down your feelings and talk to a person you can trust about what you are currently going through. I suggest this because usually the more you write/talk about your situation, the more it helps you to deal with it and get just a little bit of relief because you are not holding it in. Also, if you write about your feelings once you are finished writing, close it out by meditating....simply breathe in and out with your eyes closed while you think about something that brings you peace such as a beautiful blue ocean with gentle whispering waves. Meditating will also help you to feel better.
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