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Angela, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 681
Experience:  n/a
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I met a girl about 3 years ago, and we started dating almost

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I met a girl about 3 years ago, and we started dating almost immediately. A few months later, I left for law school 2000 mi. away. We are very close. We talk everyday. We spend all of our breaks together, summer, winter and she comes to visit me once a semester for about a week.

Before we met she became friends with a guy. They would go rock climbing indoors, and hung out some as friends. Over the last couple of years they have hung out about once a month. Get a drink, go to a movie and/or dinner, and sometimes she'd hang out with his friends.

Last semester, they hung out a lot more, once a week. Now its 2+ times a week. They even started planning an overnight hiking trip where they'd go alone. I said I would feel more comfortable if someone else went with them. She got mad and said I was jealous.

Now she wants to be a summer counselor at the same camp as him.

I love & trust her, but I don't know him. She says he has a gf. But I don't know what to think. What should I do?
Your dilemma is certainly understandable,however, relationships need to be built on trust. Since you stated that you trust her and love her, I would suggest talking to her once more about the topic. When you talk to her again, you want to let her know that you are still uncomfortable with the idea but because you love and trust her, you will accept it even though you don't like it. This is the best that you can do because naturally you can't control her or force her not to go, and any attempts to do either will push her farther away from you. Also, it is perfectly normal to feel jealous of a situation like this because you are human. So when you talk to her again, if she brings up the fact that she thinks you are jealous and if you are jealous, then tell her so. Also, tell her you are jealous because you love her and want to be with her where she is but you can't and yet another guy gets to spend time with her. There is nothing wrong with feeling jealous as long as you handle it in a healthy manner.
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Customer: replied 7 years ago.
Thank you for your help Angela. This has been weighing on me, and I didn't know how to handle the situation. I don't want to seem like the jealous type, but I'm concerned. It is an inordinant amount of time to spend with someone when you're dating. I talked to her, and she said that she would ask someone else to go on the hike with them. And now, she at least knows how I feel about the summer camp idea. I told her exactly what you said, which is how I feel, I just didn't know how to say it. (about how I didn't like the idea, but that I'd accept it because I love and trust her)

So thank you for your advice. I'm glad you were on the side of the relationship. It makes me feel better about how other level-headed people would view my situation.


Hello Herbie,
Thank you and I wish you the best of luck.