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Angela, Counselor
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  n/a
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How do I approach my daughter with a sensitive issue that I

Resolved Question:

How do I approach my daughter with a sensitive issue that I fear will cause her to "shoot the messenger"?
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Angela replied 7 years ago.
Hello Wanna,
When it comes to discussing sensitive issues, I recommend scheduling a time with your daughter when the two of you can speak to one another in a calm, peaceful, and non-distracting environment. Perhaps you could choose a place to talk that makes you both feel peaceful and mellow (-such as a place away from home). During this uninterrupted time, calmly explain to your daughter the details of the issue. Also, share with her that you want her to know that you love her very much and this is why you need to discuss this issue with her. As you share with her do so in a non-judgmental and calm manner in order for your daughter to feel comfortable and able to honestly reply to your concerns. Listen to her responses and then respond to her from your heart in a respectful and loving manner as you continue the dialog. Communication and honesty are vital for relationships to continue in a healthy and positive manner, especially with mother and daughter relationships. As a result, both of you need to feel comfortable and safe in sharing with one another and both of you need to be willing to discuss the sensitive issue. You could also plan to do something that your daughter will enjoy after you are finish discussing the issue.
Customer: replied 7 years ago.

These are things I already do. She always tends to feel persecuted no matter the honest approach. The issue I need to discuss with her is her know-it-all, loud, attention getting behavior in a group of company. It's embarrassing, not only to those who love her, but in the process she embarrasses herseslf the most.

She was raised in a model family structure with loving parents, brother and extended family.

The girls in hs were quite critical of each other and she tended to be bullied in that high- school-girl sort of way. She has always since had a hard exterior and unknowingly attempts to control focus on herself by attempting to be the center of attention.


As her mother, I feel she deserves my guidance. It's seems no matter how and when I try to do this (especially since her Dad died 4 yrs ago) she turns the conversation around to me and I become the target.


I need advice that speaks to my past experience with this and what I can do with her type personality that's new.


Expert:  Angela replied 7 years ago.
Hello Wanna,
Since you have tried speaking to her without success would she be willing to go to counseling? The reason I ask is because "know it all attitudes" are rooted in something more than just needing to be the center of attention. Also, if she did not really grieve the lost of her father (-going through all of the stages of grief such as denial, anger, and etc.) this could also play a part as to why she behaves the way she does. Also, if she goes to therapy you could go with her to a few sessions if she wants you to and this will help your relationship grow stronger because the therapist will ensure that you both understand each other. If the only option is to talk to her even though you know she will turn it around and make you the target, then just continue to reiterate the facts of what you are saying after letting her go through her motions.
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