Relationship

Have Relationship Questions? Ask a Counselor for Answers ASAP

Ask an Expert,
Get an Answer ASAP!

Relationship

I have been having an affair with a married man for 5 months.

Customer Question
I am married myself....
I have been having an affair with a married man for 5 months. I am married myself. I know the relationship is going sour, some mean things have been said to one another. I think i love him and am not sure what to do. He is moving out this weekend as he and his wife are having problems. He is very stubborn, very selfish right now, and says he does not know if we will have a future together. He says he needs to make himself happy first as he is not happy with his life, job, and not having any money. We live 5 states away. I do not know if I should try to continue on, if I should contact him, or just let it all go. He is very stubborn, i do not think he has felt love for a very long time. He also lost his parents suddenly in a tragic car accident when he was 24 yrs. old, he is now 37, and i do not think he has ever dealt with that grief. He has no one really and has told me i am the only one he has ever cried in front of. He had not cried since his parents funeral. please help me.
Submitted: 7 years ago.Category: Relationship
Show More
Show Less
Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Answered in 7 minutes by:
2/5/2010
Counselor: Angela, Counselor replied 7 years ago
Angela
Angela, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 681
Experience: n/a
Verified
HelloCustomer
I think the best thing for you to do now is to let him move out and to focus on your life. You mentioned that you were married as well, first, I want you to focus on yourself and decide about your marriage. What is the current status of it? What do you want to do in it? Due to both of you being married, you cannot completely be 100% available to each other. So in essence you are actually depriving yourself of having a relationship with a person who is 100% available to you. Naturally, a situation such as this will only lead to additional emotional and mental pain. That is why I recommend focusing on yourself now and deciding what you want concerning your current marriage. I wouldn't settle for anything less than having a partner that you can be 100% available to and vice versa, again because it will only lead to additional hurt and pain.
Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Customer reply replied 7 years ago

thank you and i know i need to focus on what my current situation is and what i need to do. Right now can you tell me if i should call him or text him. Last night we had a few words that were not so nice. I do not know if i should contact him at all saying i wish him the best or just stop all communication as of now. I truly care about him and i know he does for me, he is just scared of being hurt again and feeling love because of his past of losing his parents etc..I just want to be there for him but not be to pushy or appear needy at all. It is like he is one way one day and then he shuts down the next day. My husband knows something is going on, we are not getting along at all right now, and he is a wonderful person, i am just not in love with him. I love this other man. I need to figure out what to do at this point i guess.

Counselor: Angela, Counselor replied 7 years ago
HelloCustomer
I truly understand your dilemma and the struggle that this is for you, but I honestly think that right now it is best to stop all communication based on all that we have written about. Please take some time for yourself right now, I know it is not easy, but I really think the best thing is to stop communication for now and to focus on what I wrote about earlier. Also, this situation is not uncommon, you are 1 of many of people who are in this same type of situation for many, many, reasons which is why I recommend focusing on yourself right now and doing the other things that I wrote about. You need to give yourself time to think or you will just end up completely burning yourself out. Also, a book I recommend to my clients dealing with the same situation which they have found helpful can be found by clicking here:
Angela
Angela, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 681
Experience: n/a
Verified
Angela and 87 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Ask your own question now
Ask Angela Your Own Question
Angela
Angela
Angela, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 681
681 Satisfied Customers
Experience: n/a

Angela is online now

A new question is answered every 9 seconds

How JustAnswer works:

  • Ask an ExpertExperts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional AnswerVia email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site. Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction GuaranteeRate the answer you receive.

JustAnswer in the News:

Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.

What Customers are Saying:

Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help.

Mary C.Freshfield, Liverpool, UK

This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!!

AlexLos Angeles, CA

Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult.

GPHesperia, CA

I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion.

JustinKernersville, NC

Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around.

EstherWoodstock, NY

Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know.

RobinElkton, Maryland

He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here.

DianeDallas, TX

< Previous | Next >

Meet the Experts:

TherapistMaryAnn

TherapistMaryAnn

Counselor

1,706 satisfied customers

Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues

Ms Chase

Ms Chase

Life Coach

853 satisfied customers

Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues

Alicia_MSW

Alicia_MSW

Psychotherapist

468 satisfied customers

Specializing in relationship/family counseling

Dr. Norman Brown

Dr. Norman Brown

Marriage Therapist

426 satisfied customers

Family Therapist & teacher 35+ yrs; PhD research in couples

Dr. L

Dr. L

Psychologist

366 satisfied customers

Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.

Suzanne

Suzanne

Therapist, LCSW

338 satisfied customers

Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency

DrJackiePhD

DrJackiePhD

Doctor

336 satisfied customers

I have been doing research in relational/interpersonal communication since 1998. My Ph.D. is in interpersonal communication.

< Previous | Next >

Related Relationship Questions
Ongoing relationships with a man who really doesn't care
Hello, ongoing relationships with a man who really doesn't care about me, even though he thinks he does!! … read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
950 satisfied customers
My ex and I of 2 YRS broke up in the beginning of Sept (she
My ex and I of 2 YRS broke up in the beginning of Sept (she broke up with me because she said I wasn't who I used to be ans i created doubt in her mind about us). A week after we broke up she started … read more
Rosemary S.
Rosemary S.
Master\u0027s Degree
6 satisfied customers
Seven months ago, I got dumped by a man I consider my
Seven months ago, I got dumped by a man I consider my soulmate. It's been the most painful breakup I've ever experienced. Even though we were only together a little over a year, we had a very deep con… read more
Rosemary S.
Rosemary S.
Master\u0027s Degree
6 satisfied customers
I dreamed last nignt in black an, that the man that i
hello i dreamed last nignt in black an white , that the man that i secretly love was combing my hair. i was sitting on the floor my head on his lap , he had a black com and he was so gentle combing an… read more
DreamsBySue
DreamsBySue
Social Worker
Masters Degree (MSW)
68 satisfied customers
My husband and I have been together for 5 years and married
My husband and I have been together for 5 years and married just under a year. We have lived together for 3 years. I have 2 children from a previous marriage and he has 2 children from a previous marr… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
166 satisfied customers
My husband, toddler & I moved in with my in-laws house, in
My husband, toddler & I moved in with my in-laws house, in husbands home “village” after independent city life since graduating as a pharmacist 20+ years ago. I was a high achiever in everything I did… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
950 satisfied customers
Our 16 yr old grandaughter who always was close to us told
Our 16 yr old grandaughter who always was close to us told us we are a distraction to her now. We don't know how to talk to her because she only likes to txt and everything we say seems to be the wron… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
166 satisfied customers
Dispair! My 12 yo step-daughter repeatedly takes things that
Dispair! My 12 yo step-daughter repeatedly takes things that do not belong to her (my old cell phone, several of my rings, neighbor girl's shoes) and lies about it. Like one of the other readers, she … read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
166 satisfied customers
My daughter is influenced by her no good boyfriend and made
my daughter is influenced by her no good boyfriend and made her call me a c unt a crakwhore and other things. I am at my end. I told her that I don't want to see her again until he is out of the pictu… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
166 satisfied customers
I am upset and worried because my boyfriend and I are not
Hello, I am upset and worried because my boyfriend and I are not getting along anymore. I read a book and realized that he is using verbal abuse to supposedly help me but all he does is make me feel w… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
950 satisfied customers
My boyfriend and I broke up less than a month ago. I tried
Hi! my boyfriend and I broke up less than a month ago. I tried to make things work between us but he didn't want to, although he still loves me! Anyway, after two weeks of trying to convince to be tog… read more
Rosemary S.
Rosemary S.
Master\u0027s Degree
6 satisfied customers
What is the proper way for a widower to introduce his girl
What is the proper way for a widower to introduce his girl friend to his mother in law? … read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
166 satisfied customers
I am a 61 year old divorced female who has been in a been
This question is for Cher. Hi- I am a 61 year old divorced female who has been in a been living with the same man for 9 1/2 years. We have had some problems off and on in the last year - he moved out … read more
Dr. Keane
Dr. Keane
Doctoral Degree
385 satisfied customers
My mother, four year old daughter and I are I assume
My mother, four year old daughter and I are I assume kidnapped since I don't remember how we got to the house that the dream started in, in this house we were all in the same room locked up together, … read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
166 satisfied customers
She knew my thoughts about Netherlands. I say thoughts
Hello,Yes, she knew my thoughts about Netherlands. I say thoughts because I was not certain, and she was telling me that she is maybe moving to Malta for 3 months. That was the first problem from the … read more
Therapist Leslie
Therapist Leslie
Masters, Professional Psychology
5 satisfied customers
I was in a relationship with this girl for a year. It was
Hey so i was in a relationship with this girl for a year. It was extremely serious and we were planning on getting married. Its kind of a crazy situation. Would you like me to explain. … read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
950 satisfied customers
My sister's husband just got married in a "very private"
My sister's husband just got married in a "very private" ceremony .(My sister passed away 5 years ago.) I was not invited, but received an announcement. How much should I spend on a wedding gift? I am… read more
Rosemary S.
Rosemary S.
Master\u0027s Degree
6 satisfied customers
What's the fastest, healthiest way to process through grief
What's the fastest, healthiest way to process through grief during an ongoing, dragged out divorce? What's the best way to keep esteem high if the other party is highly negative, miserable, depressed,… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
166 satisfied customers
Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Show MoreShow Less

Ask Your Question

x