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Anna, Social Worker
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1945
Experience:  29 years experience in addictions & mental health. I'll tell you my honest opinion.
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My question is this I left a marriage for an individual I

Customer Question

My question is this? I left a marriage for an individual I am deeply in love with, I have introduced him to my life, my son, endured a costly long horrible divorce, and after 2 1/2 years of being single, want more of the relationship. He has moved further away, keeps his wife and kids in the house (which is fine), but he hasn't filed for a divorce, I signed mine in 2007, he says he is using a mediator and because he is wealthy it doesn't make sense to move forward because of financial issues, properties, etc. money. I told him I don't care if he has legal bindings with her for life, I just want to date a single man, not married. He hasn't introduced me to his kids, doesn't have a picture of me on his desk and wants his free time not to sleep over but when he feels like it. I have met a crossroads in my life, that I need him to show something to move forward with this relationship, he says he understands and then it's over. If I want to date him, he is ok with it, but i have to accept his life as is. I need more then that, I am not looking to get married I just want someone to show me he loves me. He doesn't seem to have any interest in what hurts me. I miss him terribly, but I see no other alternative to moving forward in this relationship if he can't give me something to hold on to. I know the answer is wake up, he doesn't want you, but I love him so much, and I miss him dearly, and I'm miserable without him.
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Anna replied 7 years ago.

Hey Tundra,

I'm sorry you're going through this right now. It's a heartbreaking story. I agree with your conclusions, and I'm glad that he's being straight up with you and letting you know that he isn't going to be available to you in a deeper way. It's all very simple, but not easy.

You won't be miserable for too long, but it is a part of grieving the loss of your dream with this man. Line up your friends and relatives and have them distract you silly for a couple weeks. Make a vow to not contact him, so that you can at least let the wound scab over a bit and not be so raw and painful.

My guess is that you're also going to grieve the loss of your marriage at the same time. When a divorce is traumatic, you spend your time trying to survive it instead of grieving. I think that may pigglyback onto this loss. (very common)

Do what ever you can do to get yourself away from him and separate your life. If you compromise now, you'll regret it later. Look at the long term picture. You had the strength to get out of your marriage - you can get out of this. Be strong and persistent. All the little steps away will help you, and then in 6 months, you'll look back and feel free.

My best to you.