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Anna, Social Worker
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1945
Experience:  29 years experience in addictions & mental health. I'll tell you my honest opinion.
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my husband (51) and I (48) have been married for 7 years, and

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my husband (51) and I (48) have been married for 7 years, and haven't had sex for almost 6 of those years. I have asked for more intimacy, but I don't take rejection well... he's aware of my physical need for intimacy, but nothing has changed. What can I do? we have both been faithful to each other, but I feel neglected. We took the 'love dare' and got to the point where we were to have sex, and stopped. How can we resume what had been a healthy sexual relationship?
Hi K,

Usually when sex stops in an intact marriage, depression or childhood issues are underneath it. Depression zaps the libido so there is no interest, and this may be part of the problem with him right now. But your sentence about doing the love dare up to that point and then stopping tells me there is something else going on. I think you need to go to counseling and talk about this so that the therapist can dig a bit deeper in to his thinking and perhaps interpret it to both of you. This isn't normal, and it's good that you're making your needs be known.

When the time comes, the path is to move forward slowly...just like you guys did with the dare. So it's like you've already accomplished Plan A that a therapist would set for you. I think you're going to need more help with this. I recommend counseling.

If you would, please fill out the feedback form after accepting. I appreciate this opportunity to help you out today. If I can be of further service to you, just put "for Anna" in the front of your new question, and I'll be the one to answer it.



Edited by Anna on 2/3/2010 at 8:49 PM EST
Customer: replied 7 years ago.
And if he's not receptive to counseling? I can't say he's shy, but I do know from asking before that he's not interested in seeking professional help. I will certainly ask him again. We've both been married before, and we both carried baggage into this relationship - but I think/thought we had a good starting point to build on. If you were to ask my priorities, I'd list him first; if you were to ask what's most important to him, I believe I'd be a distant 3rd at best. Is it 'normal' to have a platonic marriage?

It's all about what you're OK with, K. There are many complex relationships out there, and most of them are doing just fine. People have all kinds of relationships. There are people that want a platonic marriage and wouldn't accept anything else, and the opposite is also true. What matters most is if this is the right one for you.

I think it's very painful to be third on your husband's list. If you tell him that you need to work on this so that you can be happy and he tells you he isn't interested, then you're at a crossroads. You'll have to decide what your botXXXXX XXXXXne is in the marriage, and that if you want more than what he's offering, then go out and find it.

Anna and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 7 years ago.
I appreciate your honesty and help. You've certainly laid it out plainly enough. I can't just sit still at this crossroad - that's for sure. I hope that he will be receptive to counseling, and values this relationship more than I realize. Thank you, K

You're certainly welcome, and feel free to come back later if you have other questions. I try to be as straight up as the time people are looking on the internet for answers, they need them.
I hope he goes for it also, but if he doesn't: go find someone who cherishes you.