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Angela, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 681
Experience:  n/a
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My boyfriend stays out to 3 in the morning at least one time

Customer Question

My boyfriend stays out to 3 in the morning at least one time a week and it's always during the work week. We are self employed and just bought a house together. We are not engaged, but have been together for 3 years now. It really bothers me that he is out to 3 or sometimes later in the night. Should I just relax and not worry so much? I don't think he is cheating, but he is a major flirt. Most of the time he is just 'hanging with the boys'. When I let him know that I am upset, he just claims that I am trying to change him or act like his mother. I don't think I am being unreasonable. Why can't he just come home at a normal hour like midnight or sooner? It's getting ridiculous because everytime he does this, he knows I get upset. He just keeps doing it and brushes my feelings off. I feel like the fact that he is not listening, he is disrespecting our relationship. Thoughts here?
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Angela replied 7 years ago.
Hello MyAustin,
Your feelings are valid and correct. It takes two to make a relationship work and so far you are the only one doing all of the work. I would like for you to try and talk to him once again but in this manner: I recommend scheduling a time with your boyfriend when the two of you can speak to one another in a calm, peaceful, and non-distracting environment. Perhaps you could choose a place to go and talk that you know makes both of you feel peaceful and mellow. During this uninterrupted time, calmly explain to your partner your concerns about your relationship along with his comments about you trying to change him and acting like his mother. Listen to his responses and then respond to him from your heart in a respectful and loving manner as you continue the dialog. Communication and honesty are vital for relationships to continue in a healthy and positive manner. As a result, both of you need to feel comfortable and safe in sharing with one another and both of you need to be willing to discuss and work on your concerns. Again, clearly you have been reaching out to him, but if he is not willing to work with you, then you cannot force his hand. It takes two to make a relationship work. So after you try this method of talking to him, if it does not go well and he continues to not value your feelings or to treat you with 100% respect, then you could consider in person couple's counseling or more importantly, wether or not this relationship has run its course.