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Angela, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 681
Experience:  n/a
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I have been married for five years. We have a motorcycle business.

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I have been married for five years. We have a motorcycle business. I work full time as a social worker. I have been jealous of his love for bikes and the racing track. I did not participate as much as I should. Since Jan. he has asked for space and I have continued to try to talk and apologize. He has moved back into the bedroom and kisses me only in the mornings. We use to talk on the phone all day and now it is only house or business issues. I have decided to give him space as of today. What should I do? What should I say? I have re-addressed my spirtuality and i am praying for my marriage daily.
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Angela replied 7 years ago.
Based upon what you have written, I recommend two things. I know you have tried to talk to him, but I would like for you to try to talk to him in a specific environment setting. I recommend scheduling a time with your husband when the two of you can speak to one another in a calm, peaceful, and non-distracting environment. Perhaps you could choose a place to talk that you know makes you both feel peaceful and mellow. During this uninterrupted time, calmly explain to your husband your concerns about your marriage. Also, tell him that you are sorry for not participating as much as you should have. Explain to him that in order for both of you to move past these concerns he must be willing to talk about it so that you both can decide how to move past this because you love him very much. As you share with him do so in a non-judgmental and calm manner in order for your husband to feel comfortable and able to honestly reply to your concerns. Listen to his responses and then respond to him from your heart in a respectful and loving manner as you continue the dialog. Communication and honesty are vital for relationships to continue in a healthy and positive manner. As a result, both of you need to feel comfortable and safe in sharing with one another and both of you need to be willing to discuss and work on your concerns. The second option I would recommend if your conversation with your husband does not go well, is to consider both of you going to marriage counseling. It is not uncommon for problems to surface in a long term marriage, however, they can only be resolved if both parties of willing to work on them. Also, a book that many of my clients have given me positive feedback on in dealing with similar situations in their marriage can be found by clicking here:
Customer: replied 7 years ago.
He is saying that I am pushing him further away by trying to talk. Should I just sit and wait until he wants to talk to me. He gets very angry when I bring it up. He was emotionally abused as a child and his mother left him. He has always told me that I was all he had. It seems like I have let him down. He tells me that he loves me and is in love with me but doesn't want to make love. I have been forcing him I guess to make love. When we do, he is right there with me but after it is over he is distant again. Again, Should I wait and let him want to talk to me?
Expert:  Angela replied 7 years ago.
Based upon this, then you should wait before trying to speak to him in the manner that I described especially since you cannot force him to talk. Also, the fact that you both love each other and are still in love is a very great thing. So since you can't force him to talk, wait a little longer and give him a little more space before you approach him in the manner that I described. Also, whatever little time that the two of you spend together make it special in whatever gentle and loving way that you can without making demands on him which will hopefully help him be willing to talk to you sooner than later.
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