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Angela, Counselor
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  n/a
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Ihas been married for 20 year ,but I got separated 10 months

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Ihas been married for 20 year ,but I got separated 10 months ago and legally divorced 4 months ago.Now my ex husband is telling me he love me and he has made a big mistake during this time he admitted he has an affair and now this girl is expecting a baby he said this relation was over and now he wants me and his family back , he said sorry was a big mistake . This really hurt me I don't know what to do I still love him Advice me please
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Angela replied 7 years ago.
Based upon what you have written, I recommend that you and your ex husband see in person a third party (-pastor, counselor, therapist, etc.) due to the major life changing experience you had with the divorce, the affair, the pregnancy, and with the fact that now he wants to come back and you still love him. Please do not take him back without getting a third party involved because you have been through so much hurt and there is no doubt that you are still hurting from all that has occurred. If your ex husband really wants you and the rest of his family back then he should be willing to go to counseling because of all that is involved with your situation and to work through the issues with you. A third party can guide both of you through the many issues involved with your situation and ensure that you are both on the same page. Situations such as your situation will take time to work out but both parties must be willing to do the work. You are certainly worth it.Smile
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Customer: replied 7 years ago.
Thank you Also Iforgot to tell you he is oversea ,now he is coming back to the states and he is telling me it is hard to find a job here and he already found some overseas he ask me not to be selfish and please let him work he found so many opportunities over there ,his plan is to be here 3 0r 4 months and then go there for 1 0r 2 months I don't know What I"m going to do.If I taking him back I want him to be here with me and my kids,please advise me .
Expert:  Angela replied 7 years ago.
Hello Lourdes,
Based upon what you have written along with the fact that he is overseas and in light of all we previously wrote, it seems like taken him back would bring unnecessary hardship on you especially emotionally speaking. The fact that he summed up everything that you endured based on his actions as "don't be selfish" shows that he is not on the same page with you and has not fully accepted responsibility for his actions. Please take care of yourself now especially since you already know that you want him here all the time but that's not an option according to him. So if you were to take him back, without question you would open yourself up to more hurt and pain and you haven't even healed from your existing pain caused by him. I still recommend seeing a third party in person for yourself regardless of if he ever attends because you have been through so much with him and have not had a chance to heal and you need to discuss this in person so that you can begin to heal. So taking him back will cause you more pain and anguish. So the best thing to do now is to get a positive emotional support system in place for yourself and to see a third party (-counselor, pastor, etc.) who will help you continue to deal with these issues. Also, a book that many of my clients have given me positive feedback on in dealing with the same situation can be found by clicking here: