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Dr Rossi
Dr Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience:  Certified Hypnotherapist, Author, 13+years of experience.
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My husband (38) left me 5 1/2 months ago (together 20 years).

Resolved Question:

My husband (38) left me 5 1/2 months ago (together 20 years). Nothing legal yet. We have two young daughters. We were having problems. He had expressed his concerns that we didn't spend enough time together alone, I was controlling with the kids and over-protective (we have a daughter with life threatening food allergies). I was doing my teaching degree part-time and managing the house and the kids. He was also very busy running his own very successful business, supporting our family and paying for my education. I was very busy and became resentful and cold when he would pressure me for time. I feel terribly guilty and devasted that I have destroyed our marriage and our family by my neglectful attititude. I am a very nuturing, caring, accomdating, empathetic person but I didn't listen to him and now we are in this mess. He also says his relationship with the kids is better now then ever but he only sees them 10 hours per week. He says that people can't change and that I will never change. We have just grown apart. We were so in love and I feel like took this for granted and now it is too late. I have tried to show him how I can change but my efforts are not acknowleged. He started seeing a younger woman before he left who I believe he is still involved with. Any suggestions and I am deeply worried for all of us.
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr Rossi replied 7 years ago.

Good Afternoon,


If he is willing to give the relationship a chance, couple's counseling is always an option. A relationship is made up of each partner and he can not place all of the responsibility onto you. It is possible to change ones behaviors (of course as long as the person is willing to do so) Perhaps he is using that as an excuse (that you can not change) because he is not interested on working on the issues at hand. The part about his involvement w. another woman is also a red flag.


Of course, you can still work on the things you believe you would want to improve in with his or without his support.


See if he would be willing to go to couple's counseling (that will at least show you his willingness level ) at this time.



Dr Rossi and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 7 years ago.
He refuses to go to counselling at this time. He said that he gave me many chances to work on the marriage and finds it sad and insulting that I am putting in this effort only when he decided to leave. He never once told me that he was planning to leave and this has been very hard for me to manage.

He seems like a different person and looks at me in a different way. He says he still cares about me but he does not love me as a wife anymore. He also is a drinker and this has escalated over the past 2 years and particiulary in the time before he left. I am wondering if there is anything that I can do? He denies that he is in a relationship with the other woman and claims that she is just a friend. He says he finally out of the depression he was feeling and that he feels like a good person again. He said that I didn't make him feel good about himself. He says that the kids are now jumping with excitment when they see him.

I am not sure if he just needs space and time of if he is done. He tells me to move on but then when I ask him if this means forever, he says that he doesn't know how he will feel in a year from now.