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Dr.G.
Dr.G., Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1523
Experience:  Licensed Psychologist in the state of Minnesota
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I am 27 and have been married for 18 months. I found out last

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I am 27 and have been married for 18 months. I found out last week that my husband has been contacting his ex-girlfriend via text messages and phone calls for about 10 months. We have been together for almost five years and those five years were filled with contact or attempted contact and he has promised numerous times to stop. He says he chose me (which is true) and that they are just friends but he won't tell me about the contact and he can't seem to stop, even though I have asked him many many times. I don't want to end a marriage based on text messages and phone calls. Can this man change? Would therapy help? Any suggestions?
This is very disrespectful to you and should stop immediately. Because he is hiding it from you I have to wonder if more is not going on behind the scene. Yes he can change if he wants to but my guess is after 5 years and repeated attempts by you to tell him to stop, that he is likely not to change. You can try therapy but my belief is if you telling him it hurts you and you would like it to stop is not enough for him to want to stop then he is probably not going to stop. You need to lay down the law and tell him that you want all contact done with and if not then you need to be prepared to leave. I know it might sound extreme but this is causing severe trust issues in the marriage and you need to be prepared to do whatever it takes to show him you mean business. Good luck.
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