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Dr.G., Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1492
Experience:  Licensed Psychologist in the state of Minnesota
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Ill try this again . . . Ive been in a long term relationship

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I'll try this again . . . I've been in a long term relationship for (five years) with a man. We live together. It was wonderful in the beginning. We went to dinner alot, movies, played music together. But the closer we became, the more difficult he's become. He doesn't like any of the places I pick for dinner, always complains when we go to see friends, hates my music, he's always complaining about something, tv, American Idol, music, politics, you name it. I also happen to be an athlete, and since he's not, I need him to be there for me for these other social/entertainment things. Otherwise, we have very little in common. In this case, I don't think love conquers all, but I would like to at least reach out once before I suggest we call it quits. Anyway, I thought I'd try this site to get someone else's opinion.

What are your questions?

Customer: replied 7 years ago.
I want to know how to approach the topic of my dissatisfaction in the relationshio without it sounding threatening.
Really at this point you deserve to as angry as you want. I don't know what you mean by threatening. I see that by your posts that you don't want to push her away further but if you keep this mentality about approaching then she has you right where she wants you...which is you not bringing up the subject of cheating. You can't be afraid to approach her and confront her about this. As long as you do it in a respectful manner then that is the best you can do. there is no guarantee she is going to stick around or even like what you have to say. But if you want it to work then just tell her how you feel and ask questions if you have them. That is the best you can do in this situation. If she leaves then she leaves. You have no control over that.
Customer: replied 7 years ago.
You seem to think there is cheating in the mix. There's not. By threatening, I meant that I don't want him to react defensively ... he's not real good at communicating ... or at least he usually isn't, but sometimes he's better. He takes things personally, so I don't want him to feel threatened in that sense that he can't talk because he's being defensive.
Oh boy I am totally sorry. I got the questions mixed up. Thanks for clarifying for me. So you want to open communication with him without him reacting in a certain way (i.e. defensively). the best way to go about this is to use I statements. I feel______when you______. This way you are not attacking him or he does not perceive it to be attacking. You are simply letting him know how you feel. then after you make those statements then you two can try to problem solve how to make things better. Try to reach some sort of compromise. Keep in mind that you cannot control how he reacts. All you can do is approach him in a respectful manner without name calling and criticizing and however he handles it is his own business. If your approach does not work or you seem to be getting the defensive front from him then you two can try counseling to have a third party mediator.
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