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Anna, Social Worker
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  29 years experience in addictions & mental health. I'll tell you my honest opinion.
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My boyfriends dad is in prison and my boyfreind is saying

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My boyfriend's dad is in prison and my boyfreind is saying he can't tell me whether he'll marry me until his father comes out and even then he doesnt know whether his dad will agree or not. Nobody in his family knows about me, whereas members of my family do. I have been with him for almost 5years. How do I go about this? Please help. Thanks


Is he an adult? How does it matter if his father is in prison? Why doesn't his family know you?

Customer: replied 7 years ago.
Hi, Im 21 and he's 23. He doesn't want to tell anyone until his dad is out, he wants to tell everyone at one time.(apparently). His dad is quite religious so I am thinking it might be that he doesnt want to upset his dad...

Hi Kazzy,

I need to tell you some bad news. If your boyfriend isn't mature enough to "upset" his father while he's safely in prison, then how is going to do it in person? He won't. I don't buy any of this. You've dated for 5 years and he hides you "so that he can tell them all at the same time"?!?! Thats preposterous. He's hiding you for some other reason.

You made the decision to date him at 16 years old, and it may have been a great decision then. At 21, you've got to look at this realistically. You're not a part of this guy's life or he's leading a double life. You're being told stories.


You really need to talk to someone about this and get some help. I'm afraid you're in for a big, bad surprise, and will have wasted some of the best years of your life. You deserve a relationship where you're help up and admired....celebrated in front of everyone. Not hidden like you're shameful. You deserve better.

Customer: replied 7 years ago.

Thanks for your answer. If you dont mind commenting on what I have to say now.. I understand exactly what you're saying, because It's how I'm feeling right now.. 5 years is a long time, he could atleast tell someone in his family about me, atleast then I would have some kind of reassurance. I know he loves me, but he has a funny way of showing it! I even cried to my mum after me and him had an argument and blurted out that there was this guy that was "a good friend of mine" and that hopefully one day i'd want to marry him. Our religion doesnt allow boys and girls to mingle and I still told my mother about it, maybe not the full truth, but my mom isn't stupid. What do you think of this? Is there anything I could say to him without him telling him "not to do his head in"?


Thanks for listening.

You're welcome, Kazzy.

I don't know what you can say to him. This whole situation is a bit bizarre. He can feel love for you, but he's is not showing you love at all. This has to be very painful for you. All girls and boys find way to communicate, no matter how strict the culture or religion is, and your mum knows this. Like you say, she's not stupid. She is probably hurting for you. Perhaps the best way is for her to help you separate from him so that you might be more "available" to other boys. (not in a bad way)

5 years is just too long for the charade of never meeting his family. His dad is in prison, but too religious to be told something difficult? That would be the best time. Who doesn't think that? This guy is treating you like you're shameful, and you don't deserve that. I think your mum might be your best ally here.

My best to you.

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