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Dr. Keane
Dr. Keane, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1768
Experience:  PHD LPC
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I visited with my wifes aunts on Christmas and one of my wifes

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I visited with my wife's aunts on Christmas and one of my wife's aunts has a husband who is a successful lawyer. I barely made it through college and I am rather intimidated by the lawyer and all of my wife's cousins, most of whom are in graduate school right now. At the end of the evening, the lawyer approached me and insulted me indirectly by telling me that the garbage was in a good spot by me. I took that to mean that I am like garbage and that I belong next to garbage. My three year old son was bare foot and the lawyer suggested that my son might have six toe's on one foot would that be a plus or a minus? I took that to mean that this lawyer considers my son to be like an inbreed who might have six toe's on one foot. I sometimes take people's comments in the worst possible light but I felt this lawyer was trying to hurt me. My wife and I discussed how I want my son and I to stay home next year and my wife wants us all to go, what should we do? I feel like I'm a target.
Hi and welcome,
As difficult as it is to listen to a pompous person insult you in such a passive aggressive way staying home is allowing him to "win". Instead stand up to him, and just like the bully in the school yard, ask him "what is your point" when he makes a nasty comment. It will throw him off guard since he will not be expecting you to have a come back like that. It doesn't matter whether you barely made it through college the point is you did, you're a college graduate and just because you aren't in grad school or a lawyer doesn't make anyone at any gathering any better than the next person. If you feel like you are a target you will be, don't let that happen. For example, when he mentioned your son might have six toes, is that a plus or a minus ...say, sure is a plus, he's a great kid and walk away. You sound as though you have some self esteem issues you may want to work on. Have you ever considered counseling? It might be very helpful for you to see a cognitive behavioral psychologist. In CBT therapy you learn how to think about things differently and change the way you react which would be a big benefit to you. I would suggest you seek out a counselor and not make any decisions about next year just yet. Wait until you have had some successful counseling and I'm sure you will be able to decide what to do next year and how to better handle people's comments.
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