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Dr.G., Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1525
Experience:  Licensed Psychologist in the state of Minnesota
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Me and my ex-girlfreid (we still see each other event though

Resolved Question:

Me and my ex-girlfreid (we still see each other event though she says she es not ready to difine it that way) were engagded for 2 years and living together. In november she said she needed space, she wasn't ready so we part ways (even though she still called me and we saw each other sexually and casually). After a while I told her that if she doesn't want me anymore she needs to tell me and i will leave. As I left her house she physically stoped me and told me she didn't want to lose me. Wheve been working things out and know I'm more or less use to living by myself (well with my parents for now). I'm still hurting and I'm still angry but I know i got to forgive her in order to move on. We had a date a couple a weeks ago and I started talking to her about my future plans, and she ask me if i was in them. Right now I'm finally in control of myself, but should I ignore her or put her on the backburner without explaining myslef, would that make her miss me? How should I handle us now?
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr.G. replied 7 years ago.
I am glad that you are looking out for yourself. BUT if you two are together then you need to let her in on your plans and have her make the decision whether or not she wants to make it work. I don't know why she needed a break but it was best that you gave it to her. Now you can make your plans and if she can accept them then the relationship will work but if she cannot accept them then you both need to go your separate ways.
Customer: replied 7 years ago.
She know my plans and we love each other. Its just hard to take the relashioship to a lower level. I had considered leaving her now but it just doesn't feel right. She knows I'm looking for jobs in NYC or Denver and I told her I was willing to make it work if that was the case. But my question is now... is it ok for me to ignore little things that in the past (since we lived together) were important. Like if I want to go to bed without calling her, or if i want to not talk to her during the week and just ignore her calls, is that ok, does it send the wrong message?
Expert:  Dr.G. replied 7 years ago.
Well I am not sure it is ok. I think it does send the message that you are avoiding her. If you are in the relationship then you have to talk to her. But I am not so sure you or her understand where the relationship stands right now. It sounds like you want to end it because being friends is too hard. If that is what you want then you need to follow through with this. Don't leave her hanging if you don't have the same feelings she does. Both of you need to sit down and have a serious conversation about the status of the relationship and where it is heading. You need to be totally honest with her; even if it hurts the both of you.
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