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Dr Rossi
Dr Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience:  Certified Hypnotherapist, Author, 13+years of experience.
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Hi there, Id appreciate someones advice on this situation.

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Hi there,
I'd appreciate someone's advice on this situation. 5 months ago I met a guy online. We corresponded daily for 2 of those months via emails. we finally met up and we seemed to get on fine. He stayed overnight with me recently which was the first time however I now see that he is back online again on the the dating site. I went on it to check if was there and sure enough he was. I have not been on this site previous to this. We meet up about once a week going to the cinema or having a meal out but during this time there is the odd text or phonecall. I'm just to nervous to ring him because I don't know what to say. I know at the end of the day that we are not a couple but we have been seeing each other for about 3 months now that I thought he might have stopped going on the website. In my heart I feel that there probably is no future there but I did really want to give this a chance. I'm disappinted with what I have seen but do you think I should just call it quits now with him?

Good Evening,


It sounds like the guy is not in search of long term commitment and would like to keep have many options. If you're seeking a long term committed relationship, this may not be the one you'd want to go after. Of course, you can make that decision for yourself and what works best for you. From what you've shared it sounds like he wants to explore other relationships as well as the one with you.

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Customer: replied 7 years ago.

Hi Dr Rossi,


Thank you for your honest feedback. I believe you could be right in that he wants to explore other relationships and therefore for me all I want to offer him is friendship as I do want a commited relationship and it does not sound like he wants this at present.


One thing though that makes me anxious is the fact that recently I have been nervous or anxious to even ring him because i have this fear that he actually does not want to get to know me. It probably sounds silly you might say. My other worry is fear of not knowing what to say.


He text me there today and 'asked me if I was ok and how was my work going'. I said fine and how he was'. He replied that he was alright but not looking forward to his return to work after the holidays'. I asked him if I could ring for a chat? He replied 'not at the min, maybe another time. I asked him if there was anything wrong and he said that he had a bad headache and was struggling with some prepatory coursework prior to his return to work. I wished him well and left it at that.


I think that this does sound like a guy who does not want to know me and if so it is when it suits him and not me.


Would my interpretation be correct, do you think?

Customer: replied 7 years ago.

Hi Dr Rossi,


I'd really be grateful if you could advise me on my query above?


Many thanks,

It does not sound silly that you believe that he does not want to know you. If that is your instinct and from what you have observe it may be possible on his end (perhaps a defense mechanism-he does not want to get hurt, or being mindful- he does not want to hurt you if he does not foresee a relationship (the kind you want to have w/ him in the long run) Go with your instinct and if you have more negative reactions to how he treats you it may be better for you to leave things as they are. Of course, if you think that he is uncertain and the he is a poor communicator you may want to still ask him directly where he sees things going. At least you would have some better idea and not get more hurt later on.
Customer: replied 7 years ago.

Hi Dr Rossi,

Again thank you for your advice, it was very straightforward and honest.


I contacted this guy today and made general comments etc but to determine his true interest in me I aske if he would like to go to the pictures sometime next week. He replied 'not sure about next week with the very bad weather we are having etc'. I replied 'completley understand and wished him well'. His vague reply told me everything I wanted to know.


Many thanks again.

You did what you had to do. Now you could focus on other things including making yourself happy. There is plenty of fish in the sea after all.
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