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Dr. Keane
Dr. Keane, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1768
Experience:  PHD LPC
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Hi my wife and I are going thru very tough times. We both come

Resolved Question:

Hi my wife and I are going thru very tough times. We both come from broken troubled pasts,childhood, etc.Disaggreements turn explosive quickly , and blame runs rampant.We are together 23yrs married 13. My feeings of love and care are dissolving. We have 4 kids whom we both love.How can I effectivly look past the hurts and things she say's that touch a nerve and respond not react.She also deals with cronic pain and does take medication, which do effect mood and patience.I am trying desperatly to understand her and me. Before it's too late!
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Keane replied 7 years ago.
Hi and welcome,
It sounds like you guys have succeeded in staying married in spite of all your fights, blame etc. That tells me that your past troubled childhoods left you both resilient in that you don't just quit, you muddle through the tough times. That is a strength believe it or not. But it also sounds like you are reaching a point where it could fall apart.
I would suggest that if you would like to stay married, you learn to communicate with each other in a way that is not blaming, angry and destructive. Find a cognitive behavioral psychologist who does marriage counseling. You will be very surprised to learn that most problems in a marriage stem from communication issues. In therapy you will learn how to have a conversation with each other that doesn't result in anger. You will get the tools you need to change the way you think about things and see them from another perspective. You have many years invested in this marriage. You both have similar backgrounds and therapy would be very helpful for you both. You have taken the first step by coming here and asking for help. Take the next step and get it. Good communication is key.
Please click accept and leave feedback when you are satisfied.

Edited by Dr. Keane on 12/22/2009 at 4:52 PM EST
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