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Anna, Social Worker
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1945
Experience:  29 years experience in addictions & mental health. I'll tell you my honest opinion.
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dated man for 5 years, helped him went unemployed payed his

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dated man for 5 years, helped him went unemployed payed his cell phone bills, on line,never before looked at his calls, notice, 1-800 chat lines, and phone number he called often on the phone 1 hour some times l hour n half. when he found out,told me that his buddy uses his phone,and I had no business scaning his number. We are to be marrying in 2 months, Now, he's not calling me, or answering any of my texts.????? Do I call and leave AN MESSAGE ON HIS CELL PHONE THAT I PAYED THE BILL ON. COMMENT WELCOME

Hi Feeling,

You need to trust your gut on this one. You're making perfect sense to me - this guy is lying to you and cheating on you, and you caught him. He's acting like a typical busted person: blaming you and throwing things back at you. Innocent people don't act that way, guilty people do.

This is going to be hard for you to do, but you need to stop all wedding plans untill you feel like this situation is 100% completely resolved to your satisfaction. I cannot tell you how many women fall for stories after busting their boyfriends and then go on to be in a miserable marriage. It isn't worth it, and it doesn't work out magically. Even if he says he's sorry, it doesn't mean that he has the skills or consistant desire to change his behavior long term. He's been leading a hidden life.

Don't worry so much about what you tell him. Worry more about what you're saying to yourself. You're in shock and in pain. Attend to that. He may love you. What does that actually mean? Feelings arent what make a marriage - relationship skills do. Honesty does. Commitment does. This guy is lacking. Don't pay his phone bill.

confronting him

My best to you.

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Customer: replied 7 years ago.
Anna, thank you for your of your knowledge on this situation, but what I did not mention to you is that he is incarrated, 4 years ago he has given me a ( 3 and half carate )diamon ring, to show his love for me. He is a christian man, . he left msg. on my cell for me last night ( it would be wise to seek understandings threw prayer. Faith and trust in the Lord is unconditional an must be in the affairs of the heart, Seek God.) what could he mean, I guess I have to pray on it.


Faith in the Lord might be unconditional, but matters of the heart are not. Seek God for strength to look at this situation honestly, not to listen to his chatter about why he's busy calling chat lines on your dime while he's incarcerated, and telling you that you have no business scanning his phone numbers. The size of the ring, nor the ring itself shows love - it shows a purchase he made and a nice gift to you. Respectful behavior shows love.

I've got to tell you that my eyes rolled so far up into my head when I read his text to you that I didn't know if they would ever come down. Puhleeze! What is the message there? Is he God? Is God on his side and therefore you should pay his phone bill so he can have sex with phone workers? Pray that he doesn't tick you off to the point that you'll cut off his phone?

My recommendation still stands: don't pay the phone bill and thank him for the ring. Don't listen to anything other than, "I'm sorry - I've cheated on you with phone sex workers and had you pay the bill. I lied to you to cover it up in hopes that you'd still pay for a phone for me."

ps..thanks for the bonus!