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Anna, Social Worker
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  29 years experience in addictions & mental health. I'll tell you my honest opinion.
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my 18 year old profundely deaf daughter got expelled from college

Customer Question

my 18 year old profundely deaf daughter got expelled from college a few months ago and run away to London to be with her boyfriend. We argued about her expulsion and she has now vanished her young sister and myself from her life; cutting off all contact. she has converted to muslim religion and married her boyfriend of a year just yesterday. I am not from this country and I recently found out my younger sister has told my mother about it and even sent her photos of the happy couple. my brother also come to be at her wedding when Chloe's inmmediate family, including her Dad, we are being shun. I am angry with all of them for interfering, I chose not to tell any of them because I feel it's something very private. I feel like cutting off all contact with them as well. they rae keen to share the celebrations, but when things go wrong I am on my own to put my daughter together again.
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Anna replied 7 years ago.

Wow, garm,
I'm sorry that happened to you. It was rude and hurtful to be shunned like that. Your anger is justifiable, and I'm sure that you're correct in assuming that when it all falls apart, you'll be the one to pick up the pieces. I think that sometimes that is just what mothers do. I would not hold your daughter's behaviour as a secret, though.


Edited by Anna on 12/20/2009 at 2:24 AM EST
Customer: replied 7 years ago.
thank you for understanding. I did not want to keep it a secret from everyone for ever. I wanted to tell my own mum on my own time. I am too emotional at the moment and I know I would have started crying as soon as the firsts word passed my lips. My Mum and I speak over the phone, since she lives in Spain, I didnt have the courage to hurt her with all of this, I know how much she cares for chloe and also me since I have told her I am being treated for depression. How can I worry my Mum, when I know myself how much worry my own child is causing me? It was wrong for my sisters to have told her, they had no right!
Expert:  Anna replied 7 years ago.

Hi garm,

I would worry more about your own healing right now, and let others support you. They didn't have the right to share all that without talking to you about it first and seeing how you felt about it. This is a big crisis in your family, and sometimes that brings out odd behavior in people. The holidays do this as well.

Take time to heal and be gentle with yourself. You have a right to your feelings and your pain, and the choice to deal with them in your own time.

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