Have Relationship Questions? Ask a Counselor for Answers ASAP
Anyone in recovery needs support especially from their family. You could ask her to go to AA meetings with you. You have to work on your recovery and if she respects you she would do what is needed. Let her know you need her support whatever that means and that you would like her to be there for you. You can only encourage her but not change her. She will have to do the rest.
You are able to see that she has a problem of her own. The other issue is that you are not being supported by her. Certainly you are not arguing with her, you are just letting her know what you've observed and what would make the relationship better. At least hopefully she is getting something out of the Alanon. Another option may be couple's counseling (but like you said she must be willing to do it) Otherwise you're just running in circles and you're trying to work on your own recovery.
If possible, try to have her meet you in a middle ground (whatever that means to her) If she does not admit that she has a problem you know pointing it out out her won't lead anywhere. Instead, try to point out other things for instance how hard you're working on your own recovery and how you would like for some things in the relationship to change. Find out where she stands and take it from there.
A book that may be helpful-
When Someone You Love Drinks Too Much by William F. Kraft (Paperback - Sep 2002)
You know that some people are functioning alcoholics. Even if she is just a social drinker, her behavior is a potential trigger to you. She will have to at least support you (agreeing not to drink in front of you is her first step) You are not pointing the finger at anyone. You love her and you are concerned for her as well. Whether you press the issue or let go of it, (she would still be the one doing the decision of how to lead her life) No need to hold yourself responsible for how someone else acts. You can only do that for yourself.
Marriage counseling could help if she agrees to it in the long run.