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Dr.G., Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1525
Experience:  Licensed Psychologist in the state of Minnesota
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About a month ago I was dating this one girl on the weekends.

Customer Question

About a month ago I was dating this one girl on the weekends. We hit it off great! She was showing signs of really liking me, and we went on three dates. We held hands on the second date, hugged, and on the third date I kissed her on the lips. I suspect that may not have went well with her since she withdrew from the kiss quickly, and there was a moment of awkwardness afterward. About a week after, she asked me out to lunch, where she told me that she saw me more as a friend, and not a boyfriend.

It's been a few weeks since then. We've both been busy with exam season, but we ran into each other last night at a dinner with our friends. We sat together, talked, had a good time in general, and I find that I still have that spark for her. Yet, I don't want to make things awkward with her, or ruin our friendship by any means.

What can I do to have her let me take her on another date? I think we'd be great, and would love another chance.
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr.G. replied 7 years ago.
I would tell her that you thought you guys hit it off and felt comfortable kissing her and did not mean disrespect. Ask her if you can make it up to her by taking her out but don't make any moves on her. It may be that she wants to take it slow and so you need to respect that. You might need to be her friend for awhile until you get to know each other better. It was probably too fast for her so slow it down and see if she does not come around. Good luck.
Customer: replied 7 years ago.
Hello, Dr. G. I thought about making such an approach myself, but I have some concerns. [1] It's been a while since we've dated. Our last date was roughly a month ago! By bringing this issue up again today, am I looking odd or desperate by showing that after all this time I'm still thinking of her? [2] How would I bring such a conversation up? [3] As far as I know, it may not have been the kiss that threw her off. When she told me why she just wanted to be friends, I wasn't given a clear answer. She said that she simply "felt differently" one day. She went on to mention that she has this bad habit of being flirtatious without having the emotions behind it, and cited a moment where we held hands on the way back from a study session, suggesting she shouldn't have done that. That just makes me nervous about the entire situation. Thank you for your response.
Expert:  Dr.G. replied 7 years ago.
Ok I am getting a different picture of her now. I think she is not into you and realized that she may have lead you on and gave you the wrong message. You have to give her credit for coming clean with you and being honest. I guess what I am seeing is that she set her boundaries with you and told you that she wants nothing more than a friendship. If you want to force something upon her then yes you might look desperate. You can tell her that you like her more than a friend but I think you might be in for a letdown. I wouldn't bring it up. Be friends with her, if it is not too difficult for you, and see where it leads. You can't force her to want more out of the relationship than what she has already said. If you feel like giving it one last ditch effort and asking her out and telling her you want more than go ahead but be prepared if you don't get the response you want to hear. Good luck.
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