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Dr Rossi
Dr Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience:  Certified Hypnotherapist, Author, 13+years of experience.
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Hi, a few days ago I discovered I was pregnant. I am a 32 year

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Hi, a few days ago I discovered I was pregnant. I am a 32 year old and have been dating my boyfriend for 6 months. He is 41 and has two children from a previous relationship. We all get on really well and he is a very good father and sees them every day. We really love each other and up until about 3 months ago everything was going fine. Then he started to panic that he didn't want anymore children. He knew I did want children so really thought he had better end it with me. My last relationship ended because the guy I was with didn't want anymore children and i got very hurt. Although he was aware of that he initially (in the first 3 months of our relationship) didn't see it as a problem and felt he could have more children. At one point he said to me if you come off the pill don't tell me, and unfortunately thats what I did and now he wants me to terminate the pregnancy. I feel I have tricked him and dont want to hurt him but I am very depressed can't stop crying/shaking.

I am sorry that this is happening to you. It must be very stressful and isolating.

May I ask how I can help you today?

Dr Abby
Customer: replied 7 years ago.

Hi, when I talk to him about it he just says he cannot go through it all again as it isn't what he wants. He is so negative he just thinks that because he doesn't want it, it will not work. I think his view is based on his past experience. He has pretty much brought up his two children by himself and loves them dearly. I want him to talk to someone about this because our relationship is great apart from this. I feel so rejected by him and very confused. I don't know what to say to him to stop him thinking like this and to see it differently. Financially we will be fine, we both own our own houses and he knows how well I get on with all his family, I can not see a problem with our future other than his negativity and worry about it all going wrong. I think he is depressed and thinking irrationally and yet I also feel I am trapping him and hurting him if I go through with the pregnancy.

How can I get him to see he needs to talk to someone about this other than me?

Thank you for the information...
Again I am sorry you are going through this.

I believe this is more a relationship question than medical so I am going to opt out and let a relationship expert answer for you.

Dr Abby
Customer: replied 7 years ago.
Ok thank you.

Good Morning,


You have not per se tricked him. In some cases when a woman is on the pill she can still get pregnant.

It is not uncommon for a man who already has children from another relationship to all of a sudden realize that he did not want to have more children (even if it is with the person he loves at the present time- you)

He is also a bit older than you (around this time-middle age, people start to make plans for retirement and if he is to think about raising a child is costly. He may not want to have a child in his 20's when he is about to retire (because of many reasons such as having to pay for college, the fact that his time will be occupied, etc.)


Couple's counseling may be quite helpful for both of you to help each person clarify their goals. This can also be a temporary feeling on his part; people can change.


For any relationship to succeed, both partners must be on the same page and have somewhat similar goals (for the relationship as a whole)

Dr Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience: Certified Hypnotherapist, Author, 13+years of experience.
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