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Dr Rossi
Dr Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience:  Certified Hypnotherapist, Author, 13+years of experience.
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My husband and I have known each other for two years and married

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My husband and I have known each other for two years and married for just over a month. Three days ago, I found out that he was texting two ex-girlfriends. The texts were flirty and sexual in nature but nothing I've found proves physical. I confronted him, we've talked, cried and he's begged for forgiveness, has signed us up for counseling and is willing to allow me to monitor EVERYTHING he does, including passwords and new phone number. He also has been staring at a picture of another ex (not contacting, just looking at her picture) online for 8 months. He says he has a problem, that he knows that now, that he did it for the attention only, something he says makes him feel good. I don't know if this "attention obsession" or reminiscing about an ex-flame's sexual escapades (she is a disaster in every other way) can be fixed with counseling. Opinion?
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr Rossi replied 7 years ago.

Good Afternoon,


Trust is very important in a relationship. Although you had known each other for about 2 years, you had gotten married recently. Perhaps he is feeling some anxiety since a marriage is a large commitment.

Texting or communicating with ex girlfriends and looking at their photographs is not appropriate. That is something singe men do;not those in a committed relationship.

How would he have felt if you were the one doing this with your ex boyfriends?


It is possible for counseling to help someone sort their issues, offer objective feedback and assist them in getting oriented in the right direction. The client has to want to make the needed changes in oneself though.


When you're dealing with an issue affecting the relationship, in addition to his own counseling, a couple's counseling will be most helpful.

Customer: replied 7 years ago.
Thank you for your response. Just a little clarification if you wouldn't mind. His admitted problem is a need for sexual attention ("flirting, teasing, leading ex-girlfriends on) via text only but not telling them he's recently married (for MONTHS that's all that went on.) Is this type of behaviour always a precursor to physical cheating as I've read from other sources?
Expert:  Dr Rossi replied 7 years ago.

The behavior is not appropriate for someone who is married or in a committed relationship. It seems that he wants to behave as though he is in an open relationship.

As far as whether or not he will act out on the behavior it will depend on his personality, honesty and morality level. It seems that you have a valid concern to suspect this possibility.

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