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Dr.G., Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1523
Experience:  Licensed Psychologist in the state of Minnesota
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My wife has just told me she wants to separate we were together

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My wife has just told me she wants to separate we were together for 13 years. She says it is not a divorce but it seems to me it is. She says she has not loved me like she should for two years. While I new we had problems I thought we were dealing with them. We went to a marriage counselor for a few months and then stopped because my wife didn't want to go anymore. Over two years later she decided this. Just that morning we had planned on doing a fun activity together. I thought things were okay not perfect but we were trying. She says that she was so miserable it made her want to kill herself. I don't want that. She says she is doing this to save herself. She never really let on it was this bad. I though our marriage was pretty good. A mix of fun and adventure with down times. We never fought much just once in a while over trivial things that we always got over. She says she is sorry for hurting me and she loves me just not how she should. I love her so much. I am in so much pain. I can't stop her from leaving. I pray she will come back. But I fear she won't. I never thought this could happen. I don't know what to do. We don't have kids, just dogs. I lost my mom to cancer less then 4 months ago and now I have lost my best friend, my wife, my partner in life. I can't sleep, I am not hungry, I feel lost, I am so lonely, I miss her so much. I want her back I know I can't make her love me. Am I doing the right thing by trusting her and letting her find herself? How long should I wait?
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr.G. replied 7 years ago.
I am sorry to hear about your situation. I think you are absolutely doing the right thing. You can't force anything upon her and if she is asking for a little space then give her what she needs. Because you are giong through tough times right now I would strongly encourage you to touch base with a therapist for a few sessions to help you get through this point in your life. I am a little disappointed that she did not communicate with you earlier about how she felt. The communication definitely could improve in the future. If I were you I would first respect her wishes but also find out what she means by these statements she makes. Where does she things going off track? How does she think she should love you? What was she miserable about? What does she need from you to help things improve? All of these things should be topics of conversation in the near future if you want things to improve. As far as how long to wait; ask her what she thinks and then decide if you can do so or not. But please, touch base with a counselor to help you through and make a game plan for how things can improve and where you need to go from here. I hope this helps and I wish you all the best. Let me know if I can help in the future.
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