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Anna, Social Worker
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1945
Experience:  29 years experience in addictions & mental health. I'll tell you my honest opinion.
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Ok so Ive been seeing this guy recently, he goes to my uni

Customer Question

Ok so I've been seeing this guy recently, he goes to my uni and lives in my halls so I see him pretty often and always go out to the same places. Anyway for the past couple of weeks we've been hanging out and I'm attracted to him and I know he's attracted to me too. One night out he came back to my room and we just hung out til 6am talking (not doing anything else) even though he had a 10am lecture. After that we had just been txting lots and bumping into eachother. On another night out we were talking again and he tried to kiss me but I said no because I don't like hook ups and he asked if I was looking for a relationship and I said I wasn't sure, I just knew I didn't like one night things. He said he wasn't looking for a relationship but didn't like one night things either so I went back to halls with him and hung out and he kept trying to kiss me and even though I really wanted to I wanted wait till I knew I liked him. the next day he txted me asking what I was doing that night and suggested we have a quiet night in and watch a film so I agreed and he came over and we cuddled while watching movies. After a while we started kissing and it got pretty hot so he asked if I had a condom and i said no because we weren't going to have sex since he has to get to know me better first because I know what guys are like - you sleep with them then they ignore you the next day because they think you as a girl will be all attached and in love with them if they continue to give them attention! so I told him that and he said he wasn't like that and that I had to trust him so I told him that he had to earn that trust and by that he had to spend more time with me and get to know me more so he agreed but then brought up that he wasn't looking for a relationship again. He stayed over that night and we just cuddled. a few days later there was a party in my house so I invited him over early so I could spend time with him before people arrived - we ended up pretty much boycotting the party by staying in my room listening to music and kissing then as I was quite drunk he initiated having sex again and I said it was still too soon but after a while I gave in but told him that there had to be rules... so we started a friends with benefits except the rules were that he wasn't allowed to sleep with anyone else, wasn't allowed to get with anyone else especially if I was at the same place, he wasnt allowed to be secretive about it if his friends asked where he had been but he also wasn't allowed to brag so to be discreet... so kind of like a commitment except we're not officially boyfriend/girlfriend. I know he's not a player sort of guy, he doesn't go out to hook up and he hardly ever does, he's a really nice guy but I'm worried that I'll start having more feelings for him as this continues and that he's only in it to hook up? He agreed to the rules and the same applied to me. That night I stayed over in his room and we just cuddled again so we've been spending a lot of time together - not just being physical but just hanging out too. I'm just wondering if maybe this could lead to a proper relationship or if he actually likes me or is just using me? also how can I get it to become more? and how can I get a guy who says he's not looking for a relationship to want one? any thoughts would be appreciated but pretty much I think I do like him a lot or I wouldn't agree to any of this. thankss!
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Anna replied 7 years ago.
Hi baby vee,

First, let me congratulate you on your ability to hold to your boundaries. Good for you! That skill will get you far in this world, and is really very attractive to men who have what it takes to get to know a woman. It will bother guys who only want to hook up. Let it! :)

I think you're off to a fine start of a relationship right now. You're doing all the right things. No matter what it is called, or what he says up front, he is getting closer to you as you get closer to him. Keep on the same track - your thinking is just fine: trust it. Enjoy yourself and let what happens happen. Keep communicating like you have been, and things will progress naturally. I think he likes you.

Thanks for letting me answer your question today. If you would, please fill out the feedback form after accepting - I appreciate it.