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Dr.G.
Dr.G., Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1492
Experience:  Licensed Psychologist in the state of Minnesota
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I dont know what to do, my wife goes crazy about once or twice

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I don't know what to do, my wife goes crazy about once or twice a month. She tries to pick a fight and if I don't give in she flies off the rocker anyway. She hits, kicks and screams at me tells me, to leave, and if I ever try to stop the hitting she calls her mom/dad/friend and tells them I am abusing her choking hitting etc... Her parents don't like me anymore do to the lies she has spread about me being, lazy abusive, etc... A few days after the episode she will apologize to me yet still keep the idea that I was in the wrong whatever the case may be. Tonight it was over the bank transferring money with out our consent, when I told her I think we need to keep more money in her checking she flew of the rocker and said I was blaming her, she then proceeded to hit me and when I stopped her hand she started kicking and saying she was going to get her dad to protect her. ....I hate this but I love her, what do I do?
How long have you two been together? What have you two tried to do to make things better? Is there any drug or alcohol use involved? Can she admit she is wrong and does she want to make things better? Let me know and I might be able to help you out.
Customer: replied 7 years ago.
We have been married almost two years. We both do not drink or use any drugs. Note: she is on effexore for depression. Usually she can say she is sorry, I do too since I am sure I hold part of the fault as sometimes I can be a bit lazy or I want to play a video game too long. We have both sat down a couple of times to discuss what we need in each other, but I feel like I am the only one actually trying to change my bad habits. I have just landed a really good job with the Marriot corp. and am working graveyard hours, she is still in school for the field of education. She says she wants things to get better, but when she has an episode she tells me to leave or threatens divorce. I used to have, and if I were to let it, a really bad temper and I would yell and cuss. I have been trying not to yell at all, but it seems as if she tries even harder to get me to do something like that or worse. She will go so far as to hit, punch, kick, and throw things at me. I have also noticed lately that most of the things she has claimed dislike about me she has a similar or worse problem with.
I like that you both have tried to sit and talk about this rationally. Unfortunately you guys don't make much headway doing so. First and foremost, violence is unnaceptable and it may take drastic measures such as calling the police to make her understand so. I like that you keep your calm and do not engage in the same manner as she treats you. For yourself, you can tell her as clear as can be that you will not be treated in that manner and you will not talk to her until she can talk to you calmly. The empty threats of divorce seem a bit overboard and obviously that does not settle the problem. I think the best you can do in this situation is to acknowledge how you contribute to the problems and work to fix them. If you are the only one trying to make things better then it will not work out. It takes both of you to help with this problem. I would suggest both of you going to a couple of marital therapy sessions to help improve the communication between you two. But by all means you need to take a stand that violence will not be tolerated. I hope this helps you and good luck.
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Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Thanks for your help a few years ago. I just wanted to give you a follow up if you were curious. My wife and I are still together and have a strong relationship now.


 


The main issue was the medication she had been put on by a doctor for a female organ/hormone problem. I don't have much good to say about effexor.


 


The next step was realizing how I was adding to her already fragile state. Turns out that it was very simple little ways that I responded to her and missed when she needed support.


 


Thanks again for your help.

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