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Anna, Social Worker
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1945
Experience:  29 years experience in addictions & mental health. I'll tell you my honest opinion.
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I have been married for 9 years we have been together for 15

Customer Question

I have been married for 9 years we have been together for 15 years. Monday we will be getting legally seperated and I love him with all my heart. He says that he does not love me anymore that he will always love me because we have a child and we have spent so much of out lives together but that he is not in love with me anymore. I still love him so much and recently he shows some interest but we mostly have sex I do not hold back because I do not want him to go else where to get sex. He says that it does mean something because I am his wife and I am special but that I should not sit around and be depressed and wait on him. He says that if we are to get back together that it would be great but that is just not what he wants right now. He says that there is always a chance that we could get back together but to move on with my life. He says that he does not want to hurt me and that he will always care for me more than anyone else in this world. I don't know what to do what do you think
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Anna replied 7 years ago.
Hi Alli,

I can certainly understand why you're feeling confused! I count about equal the statements you wrote where he said he wants you and then the ones where he doesn't. I don't know why he is giving you double messages like that, but it sounds to me like a guy who is having an affair in person or online and is caught between two women that he feels love for. That might not be the case, but if he loves you so much, why is he leaving? If there is always a chance that you can get back together....where is he going to in the meantime?

Although you love him deeply, I think you need to listen to the biggest thing here, and that is his behavior. If he is OK with a legal separation; he wants out. Maybe not forever, but he wants to end what you have together now. I always recommend couples counseling for anyone who is separating and talking about coming back, so that the time can be productive. If either party doesn't willing to do that, then there is little hope that the time away can bring you back together.

Take care of yourself and line up your family and friends to be supportive of you in the difficult time ahead.