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Anna, Social Worker
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1945
Experience:  29 years experience in addictions & mental health. I'll tell you my honest opinion.
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hey every one i had a problem with a girl. i met her in Halloween

Customer Question

hey every one i had a problem with a girl. i met her in Halloween party n she like me a lot so she added me in face book after that in 2 days n she called to go with her to coffee shop but she think i am a player anyway we hanged out more than 4 times n in every time we made out in the 3rd time i slept in her apt n in 4th time we went to club n i kind force her to drink with my friends in my tap n after that we went to her apt i slept in her bed without sex n she was drunk so when we woke up in the next day she thought we had sex but we didn't cause she said no sex from the first day we met until we know each other more n she doesn't trust guys,i told her we didn't n she said nothing but in the next day she called me n asked me again if we had sex or not cause she don't believe me n she start crying in the phone and that make so mad. after that she never called.i tried to call her or facebook her but no answer from what i should do cause i like her to much n she is my type
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Anna replied 7 years ago.

Hi ctst,

I'm sorry this happened to you. Give her a little time. She's feeling ashamed of herself, and that is a very powerful emotion. She acted in a way that is really embarrasing to a woman, and clearly a problem for her. Let some time heal that wound.

I would suggest that you write her a kind note that states your intentions and understanding of the situation, and send it to her in the mail. That way she'll have something of you in her hands and she can take her time to deal with it in her own way.

You will have to accept that she may have acted so far out of her comfort zone that she won't be able to face you again. It's very unfortunate for both of you. If you can afford it, this would be a good time to send her flowers or balloons.

Thanks for the chance to answer your question today. Take care - you make perfect sense, and you're doing the right things.


Customer: replied 7 years ago.
hey this is wt she wrote to me
This is what is up: I am upset about Friday night for a few reasons. When I say something I mean it. I did not want to drink anything other than beer that night, because I knew that it would have an adverse effect on me. I communicated this clearly, but it was not respected. Later in the night, I was completely out of it. In my sober mind, I can say what should have happened: you should have slept on our couch. But I was far from sober. I was not thinking clearly nor acting normally, and so I decided otherwise. There was no reason for us to sleep together or to start doing things in bed together if I was not fully aware of what was going on. I was unable to think entirely clearly that night and as a result, I have fragmented memories of what happened in bed between us. This is not ok for me. It is upsetting to me that I have to ask you to tell me what happened in bed between us. I do not operate like this. I value complete equality between men and women, and this night was not working in my favor in the slightest.

You are an attractive and funny guy, and other than Friday, I enjoyed my time with you. But like I said at Tate Street coffee, I am married to my work- it always comes first. In fact, I am sure that if we were to ever officially start dating- which is what I would have preferred over simply hooking up- I assure you that I would have been a fantastic disappointment. You enjoy partying and going out. For me, attending clubs and watching people dance reminds me that my specialty is less exciting activities, such as reading, lol. I would be a boring girlfriend for you, no doubt. I think the botXXXXX XXXXXne is that I would never be able to keep up with your lifestyle. If you want to party- you deserve to live it up.

I hope you are doing well.

Expert:  Anna replied 7 years ago.
Hey C,

Its interesting that you think she's your type but she doesn't think she is at all.

Other than that, I think she is trying to both express her anger, blame you for what happened, and to end the relationship. She is telling you that she will not be available to you, but not being clear enough about it. She blames you big time for what she did, which isn't a good thing either.

Thanks for the chance to answer your question.


Customer: replied 7 years ago.
hey thats why i said she is my type cuse i don't like the girl how party a lot. specily if she ganna be my girlfriend n she asked me before to be in relationship n i have to do text if i have HIV or other things cuse most girl i met u can have sex with them in the same day or in the same week but she was different. so wt should i do to get her agine
Expert:  Anna replied 7 years ago.

Probably apologize to her, take responsibility for what happened and let her feel like she won the argument. Then meet her for coffee and start again, but go more slowly.


Customer: replied 7 years ago.
i am not a romantic guy at aol n i have no idea about but do u think if i bought a flower n suprise her in her office is ganna be nice
Expert:  Anna replied 7 years ago.

I think that would be very nice, and a great idea.

I need to close this question out, so I would much appreciate you accepting the answer and providing feedback on the form when it pops up.

Take care, C, and I hope you win her back.


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