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Dr Rossi
Dr Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience:  Certified Hypnotherapist, Author, 13+years of experience.
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Please help! Ive been married for 14 yrs and have not had

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Please help! I've been married for 14 yrs and have not had sex with my husband (nor anyone else) in that long as he is a quadraplegic and I am his caregiver. I have been perfectly find being sex-free until my ex came unexpectedly back into my life. We have been having flirty phone/chats and I am getting back in touch with my sexuality. I had forgotten I am a sexual being. The phone sex is extremely satisfying and I have no guilt as it's making me a more patient wife with my husband.I trust and have always loved my ex (which is no secret). I have no intention of leaving my husband and my ex has no intention of wanting to break up the marriage. We simply want hot sex and are wish to full-fill eah other's needs. Question: Is it wrong to want a lover because I'm feeling this is right.

Good Evening,


Once someone makes their marriage vows they in a way sign away the possibility to be in other open relationships. Marriage is more then sexual satisfaction. It is also human for you to miss sexual intimacy.

You may want to ask your question how you would feel if you were in your husband's shoes. As far as whether it is wrong to have a lover or not would depend on your moral and spiritual belief system. A sexual act takes a few minutes but true love takes longer than that. Soul searching is needed to figure out what is that you really want out of your current marriage and out of life especially for your self. What you feel is human and what you do as a result of it would be something that you will have to decide and come to terms with.

Customer: replied 7 years ago.
Thank you for your help! Yes, there is a lot more to a marriage which is why I haven't had sex in this long. I love my husband's soul. I have never wanted to cheat on him and at this point because my feelings are strongly sexual I need to share that with him. As for being in his shoes, we have had that discussion and I would want his needs taken care of and although he has given me "permission" in the past to have some outside sex, I have never desired it. I suspect that because I have an emotional connection to my ex it's making me want to take the next step. What do you think?
It is definitely possible to feel this way because of the emotional connection and past history you have had with your ex. It seems that this is something you and your husband had talked about in a way. It would depend then on how the two of you would feel with this situation. Just be cautious because even couples that have been open to swinging had regretted it once the act had taken place. Your situation is a bit different though because it involves someone you had been involved with in the past (your ex) so at least you know what the expectations may be. Of course, on the other hand, you remaining married may make your ex feel unable to move on with someone else if the time and opportunity present that possibility.
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