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Anna, Social Worker
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1945
Experience:  29 years experience in addictions & mental health. I'll tell you my honest opinion.
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I meet a person that seemed too good to be true. She was smart,

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I meet a person that seemed too good to be true. She was smart, attractive and a real mellow person. We meet at work and began to hang out. She informed me that she was staying with a friend and I was like cool. But the living with friend turned out to be a male. I admit, at first I was like"...OH HELL NAAW...." but she asured me that it was cool to come by whenever I wanted and that there was nothing going on between them. So I finally got up enough nerve and went over to check her out on her home field. As soon as I saw the two interact I knew right off (or thought I did) that the two had some history. I played it pretty cool and watched and observed. All seemed to be pretty nonchalant between the two. They appeared to be pretty cool. Now here I am at this mans' house a few night's a week sleeping with her and at times with the both of them chillin'(not sleeping w/ the both of them). Although my gut told me otherwise I ignored the the feeling that the two had history together. WTF it was before me right? Now really at this stage in our knowing one another she and I were simply on she would say.."Friends W/ Benifits"...we were just doing the do. I on my end did have a live in friend but there was no mistake about it. We were still messing with eachother but the relationship was in a downward spiral and plans were made between the 2 of us to go our seperate ways. My live-in friend was aware of my new Earth (woman) and vise-versa. Well...after time my new Earth and I began to grow and feelings did evolve. I posed the question to her one day about her roommie and she denied involvement. At times became irrate about the question....but I always said I knew she was not being honest. For some reason she never overstood why I'd even care if it was before me and all. I tried explaining to her that in my wierd way I felt I deserved that knowledge of because of the fact that I'm in this mans' home and presence soo much. She would try that "...the woman at home..." crap but I informed her that she didn't hang out with us and she didn't see her when she saw me and if in the same sittuation I'd feel obligated to pull her coat tail to the fact that there was once something there. Was that faulty of me? Am I distorted or something? Seriously though? well...the day of her moving out of his place, naturally I was there helping and words were exchanged and I took what he said for street value "....say man, everytime you see me you seem like it's something on ya mind. You got something to say?..." I wont get too personal with it but the look was there and the enuendo was made. What happened was an uncalculated effect on his part. He didn't think I was gonna call him on it. Common' y'all. Any real man knows when another is playing and polking at him behind a woman. The just of his words decifered it. I believe now that I think more on it that there was a tinge of jealousy there....but at that instant I was upset that the fella was seeming to be puting her out there in a demeaning manner. There was the fact that I was right all along settling in over my head. From that night forward there has been a rift between her and I. Later when meeting with this fella to try and salvage and keep the things cool enough for a dap and a head-nod when seeing oneanother he opened up and conveyed to me that they had been together....and more than one time. No rage or nothing like that came from me. No I didn't storm off and go confront her and call her all kinds of names and choke her or don't get it twisted. It was about the real element. How are you gonna build something on a fake, false and deceptive foundation? We TALKED about it and she came clean...not AS CLEAN AS HE DID...but you know...the both stuck to the story that nothing has happened between them since I suposedly come along. But that tingles ya mind when they continue to hangout and "Friends" ya know? Oh, she's made perfectly clear that I'm the interchangable part and he's gonna always be her friend. I never said don't be the cat's friend ..just chill out with the kickin' so tough...movies, shows, theme parks and all. Well it's really my fault for letting things go as far as they did. I shoulda looked with clear vision but I was praying that she'd tell me and disprove my liar/decievr theory. My initial asking of the question in this sittuation is what I'm questioning here. WAS I WRONG FOR FEELING THAT I SHOULDA BEEN MADE AWARE OF THE FACT THEY HAD HISTORY? Someone please let meknow if I'm crazy here or not. And don't gimme that she was scared to mess up our friendship crap.
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Anna replied 7 years ago.

You're on target: she should have told you out of courtesey if nothing else. They were still living in the same place - there is a certain squick factor in that. In then end, don't question your gut next time. She should have told you because it was the right thing to do. You nailed it.

You're a vivid writer - don't ever stop.


Edited by Anna on 10/27/2009 at 2:13 AM EST
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Customer: replied 7 years ago.
I'm accepting this response. Thank for advice. I do have a it possible for me to have this question passed around amoungst you guys for variance of views? Is there a tool to pay for that onthesite or do I have to keep resubmitting it?