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Anna, Social Worker
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1945
Experience:  29 years experience in addictions & mental health. I'll tell you my honest opinion.
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My boyfriend had a retirement party schedule on Friday Oct

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My boyfriend had a retirement party schedule on Friday Oct 22... We have been having an onagain off again relationship for a year... one of our issues is he still has contact with his ex girlfriend... they talk, text, see each other for lunch ever now and then... he has stored her furniture in his basement, given her furniture he claims she payed half when she lived there... he lied to me to my face that she was not going to the last years world series parade with him, until later I found the pictures... now he asked me to go to the party with him, but wanted me to now his ex girlfriend was going to be there.... I asked him to tell her sjhe cannot come due to all the humilation I have gone through with her.... also she is married and her husband was not coming... and during the year he has called me by her name on at least 3 ocassion... my question is was wrong for not going? Was he wrong for not asking her not to come?
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Anna replied 7 years ago.


You're not being unreasonable at all, you're just showing normal, healthy boundaries. The fact that this seems to not deter him from this three way relationship says something is wrong with him. Let me be honest with you: he is still in a relationship with her. If she's married and he can only see her on a limited basis, I imagine that you're the fill-in between times.

You might ask how I know this - it's because you told me so. Read your post as if it were written by someone else asking you for advice, and you'll see it screaming out at you. Don't let him humiliate you further - that is something only you can stop. Your dignity is at stake here, and your self image. If you continue in this 3-way relationship (or 4-way, really), you'll be more hurt than you are now.

This is the whole point of dating: to find out about someone as you become closer. You're not finding out good things - your experiences with this man would lead to a divorce if you were married. Unless this man is 100% able to commit to you fully and leave her behind, then he hasn't joined YOU in a committed relationship. Don't settle for anything less for any reason: it never works out happily.

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Customer: replied 7 years ago.
Thank you, XXXXX XXXXX does put the situation in perspective for me...