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Dr. Keane
Dr. Keane, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1768
Experience:  PHD LPC
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My boyfriend does not know if he wants to be with me anymore.

Customer Question

My boyfriend does not know if he wants to be with me anymore. Last night, he was very upset and angry with me and said that we argue about stupid little things too much and he doesn't want to go thru that again (since him and his ex fought all the time) but our relationship is very different from his relationship with his ex. His family loves me and they hated her which was one of the major differences. He also has been screwed over by a lot of girls and I'm the only girl that was there for him for 2 years as friends. (We started dating a couple of months ago) He keeps mentioning how in the past that I had feelings for this guy and that he's afraid that i still would have feelings for him....which is far from the truth because I love my bf. He also says that he doesn't know he feels anymore and he thinks that maybe it'd be better off if he was single and that he's too young for this. He just keeps saying I don't know and I am very hurt by it and I've been crying non stop. I don't understand why he feels this way. I did not do anything wrong. I keep thinking that he is scared of getting hurt and this and that, but I am not sure if he's just using an excuse to break up with me or he's trying to get me to break up with him. please help
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Keane replied 8 years ago.
Hi and welcome,

You did not say how old your boyfriend is but if he has had relatioships with women who have taken advantage of him it may be fear of getting hurt again or he may not know how he is feeling. Communication is key to a good relationship. One thing you can do is to ask him to be open and honest with you. Ask him calmly and in simple words, does he want to break up with you. Your tears and reaction to him may be scaring him enough to not be able to tell you what he wants. In any relationship you have the right to ask for what you want and need from the relationship. It sounds like he is circling the issue by being angry (that saves him explanations). If he replies he wants to break up with you then you have to honor that decision. Maybe he was more comfortable being friends with you and doesn't know how to tell you. I know this isn't the way you want it to go and that you are very upset over it. By letting honest open communication dictate the way this relationship goes who knows, he may come to realize that you are not going to be like the others. Whatever you do, do not get into an argument with him, do not react with anger and you may see him calm down and be able to tell you honestly and openly what he is feeling. If you do not ask directly you won't get an answer.
I hope this helps.
Dr. Keane
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