Marriage is a work in progress. When couples had been together for quite some time, they not only become more comfortable and familiar with each other but also are prone to falling into a mundane routine. Having children does not make it easier to find time for each other but that is also needed.
If possible, try to bring some spontaneity into the relationship. Instead of eating at home try to go out for a dress up/more formal dinner together.
If we are not invested in our partner on an emotional level, we are not making love. To make love is to be connected on these two levels - emotional and physical. Staying connected only on a single level is to just have sex. Sometimes couples do not even realize that this is causing a problem in their relationship. Partners just know that something does not feel right. A true partnership functions as a union. This means that when you partner is depressed, stressed and discontent with something in his or her life that you find the time to attend to his or her needs. You do not just go to bed, have sex and fall asleep and then wake up and go on with the next day. When your partner's experiences become your own concern, you will know what a true partnership is. Only then, you will find true intimacy and a fulfilling relationship. Find time to help with chores around the house. Do not read your newspaper or watch TV during dinner. Do not answer phone calls during times when the two of you are spending quality time. Find time to compliment each other. Do not neglect your appearance just because you've already found someone to be with. Take risks and try out new things together. Start paying closer attention to your partner's emotional state. Break the monotony of your relationship by breaking off from your usual routine. Do not plan on being physically intimate only on weekends when you're off. Make your partner feel desired through the week. Sex does not per se equate intimacy. For example, you may want to take your partner out to dinner on Wednesday and perhaps on Friday share physical intimacy. Try to keep things like this in your relationship unpredictable. This will take the pressure from both of you. Your partner will feel attended to and you will have less pressure to perform. Do not set a routine because as you know routines become boring. Routines are also influenced by the events in our life and we do not always have control of the external situations in life.
Use the following activity to brain storm some ideas of how to enhance your intimacy.
1. How can I become more attentive to my partner on an emotional level?
2. What do I need to do to show my partner that I really care about their emotionality?
3. How can I show more emotional affection to my partner?
Here are some ideas to help you spice up and rekindle your relationship::
? Go for walks together
? Go to a comedy club
? Surprise each other by preparing a romantic (at home dinner)
? Go for a day trip to the park, historical town, zoo, botanical garden
? Eat dinner together without external distractions
? Go to a picnic in the park
? Prepare a special meal and have a kindle lit dinner
? Make time each week for at least 45 minutes to share your feelings and concerns with each other. Find out how your partner's day at work went, how he or she is feeling etc.
? Go to a weekend get away (camping, log cabin, beach resort)
? Plant something together
? Engage in a foreplay (give each other a foot rub, use massage oils, candles, rose petals, sexy lingerie)
? Buy your partner something to make him/her feel special (example: cologne, jewelry, a CD, or gift card to their favorite store)
Excerpt from: Couple's Communication Made Easy (audio book)
Edited by Dr Rossi on 10/11/2009 at 12:14 AM EST