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Dr. Keane
Dr. Keane, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1768
Experience:  PHD LPC
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My boyfriend is super faithful to me. He is just like me,

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My boyfriend is super faithful to me. He is just like me, but in a man form. We are both deeply in love and have eyes only for each other. However, I get very anxious and start trying to "control" his life because I'm afraid that he'll get to know someone else and then dump me. He tells me to relax because he isn't going anywhere. I trust him... it's just other people I don't trust. This is starting to become a problem and putting a strain in our relationship. How can I stop thinking crazy thoughts and just learn to trust him?
Hi and welcome to just answer

You are feeling insecure because of your irrational thoughts so you need to change the thoughts!
Trust is at the bottom of every good relationship, if you don't trust it is very difficult to maintain the relationship.
You may be scared because there are no guarantees that it will last. BUT there are no guarantees on many things in life. So, how do you learn to stop all the crazy thoughts, use self talk first. You tell yourself that it is you he loves, you know that so believe that. Any time you start to think the crazy thoughts tell youself STOP! If you are alone you can say it loudly, if not, you can say it to yourself. Then you think of something else, something that makes you happy. You can picture something happy, use a mantra of sorts if that works, do anything except allow yourself to focus on the What if's .....they are a waste of good energy. Learning to trust isn't easy and if he says he isn't going anywhere you have to believe him even if there are "what ifs" You can tell youself this as an example....I can trust him, he loves me and if I keep on with this nagging controlling behavior he has every right to "dump" me....use the words I trust and say them over and over. It's hard work learning how to change the way you think...but if you can master how to change your thinking you can get rid of all the negatives.
If you still have problems with this then you should find a cognitive behavioral therapist to help you learn how to deal with our trust issues.
I hope this helps.
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Dr. Keane
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