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Dr. Keane
Dr. Keane, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1768
Experience:  PHD LPC
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my wife of 22 years has just up and left me with the reason

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my wife of 22 years has just up and left me with the reason being that she needs some exitement in her life. i have one daughter that has left home and the other if finishing year 12 exams. my wife is 46 years of age and all what has happened is a shock to me as well as all of our close friends.any help would be very much appreciated.
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Keane replied 7 years ago.
Hi and welcome to Just Answer

I'm sorry you have to experience this situation.
It sounds like your wife has been quietly unhappy for some time in the marriage. Couples can grow apart due to life stressors, work, raising children and running a household, finances, lack of communication etc., it can slowly and quietly cause a marriage to crumble.

If everyone seems shocked by her behavior, maybe she felt if she spoke about it she would be talked into staying or, she didn't want the confrontation and possible arguing and fighting if she did speak up. It was easier to just leave. This is what worked for her. It's not the way one should handle the situation but it was obviously the only way she felt she could do it.
Needing excitement is another way of her saying I need something else in my life. At her age she may be thinking that life is passing her by and she is questioning her choices.

I would suggest you not focus on the shock of the situation but instead ask her to go to counseling with you. Tell her you need to have a better understanding of what happened and that you owe it to each other to try and make sense out of the situation as well as get help.
She is at a stage in her life where she is questioning her self-worth and what she wants to do now that the children do not need her as they had before. This situation is quite common in your age group. She has probably dropped a few hints in the past, while she was thinking of leaving. Most people do. If she does not want to go to counseling you should go alone. You will need to explore your feelings about what has happened.
I hope this helps.

Dr. Keane
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Edited by Dr. Keane on 9/27/2009 at 11:22 AM EST
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