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Dr. Keane
Dr. Keane, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1768
Experience:  PHD LPC
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Hi my husband was hurting himself pretty bad.Hes depressed

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Hi my husband was hurting himself pretty bad.He's depressed and has a lot of anxiety. He's at the hospital. It's very difficult for me right now. I want to help but i'm afraid that he will hurt me too. I also want to live my own life. what should i do?
Hi and welcome

It sounds as though you are going through a very rough time. Your husband is where he should be for the time being. If you are fearful that he may hurt you then you need to follow your instincts and help yourself first. If he has ever hurt you before you need to take charge of your life no matter how much you want to help him.
He is getting the help he needs now, or at least it's a start. He needs to get his depression treated and will probably need extensive therapy.
As for you, you will be well advised to start some couseling for you, as a way to help you to learn how to n take better care of you and give you the "tools" available to not let anyone else take advantage of you. That is how you can begin to live your own life.
Taking action by going to counseling is the first step and from there you can decide what it is you want from your life.
You deserve to be treated well, you deserve to have a life of your own.
If your husband has a history of ever abusing you / hurting you whether it's emotional, physical, verbal, sexual, you need to take care of you first. The only person that can help him is him. You say that he has a lot of anxiety and from your question it sounds to me like you have a significant amount of anxiety yourself. You need to focus on you. I know it's hard for you right now, you are conflicted and probably scared. I hope this helps.
Dr. Keane
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Customer: replied 7 years ago.
Dear Dr. Keane, Thank you so much. I agree that i have to take care of myself first and i need some help. My husband never hurt me physical but emotional and verbal. I think you would say that i'm being abused. He's different person when he's not drinking and taking too much pills. Like black and white. He said that he wants to start all over and going to the meetings, find supports and seeing a good psychiatrist. For myself, I'm going to see social worker and if i'm right, from there i can find where to go for conseling. Do you we're going for the right direction?
Hi, sorry I was offline until now. I think you are going in the right direction. If you love him and want the marriage to work then you have to try. I think that marriage counseling for you guys, individual therapy for you and of course his therapy, addiction groups, meetings etc. It takes a long time to rebuild the trust and mend the relationship, trust is at the very core. If you believe you can rebuild, then rebuild. The only caution I have is that if he EVER falls back into his old ways you will have to make a decision not to be part of it. So you have your work cut out for you, When you suceed you may want to celebrate by renewing your wedding vows or something symbolic of your "new" life with each other, your healthy new life!!! I wish you all the best.
Dr. Keane
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Customer: replied 7 years ago.
Thank you so much Dr. Keane. Your advices really help me see things clearly and that i have to love and take good care of myself before i can help someone else.