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Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience:  Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
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I am 23 year old male and Ive had a number of serious relationships

Customer Question

I am 23 year old male and I've had a number of serious relationships and have been sexually active for 5 years. I've had over 20 sexual partners and I've had no problem with sex. However, when I get in a serious relationship and fall in love (twice now), I seem to lose my sex drive, especially for the woman I love. I don't have much desire to have sex with her and it really causes problems in my relationships. It especially hurts because for the first 6 months or so of our relationship I was always initiating sex and my sex drive for my girlfriend was very healthy. I got my testosterone tested and it was normal and I was but on Yohimbine and it didn't help. When my girlfriend and I just recently broke up, my sex drive has started to come back. Why do I lose my desire to have sex with the girl I love and what can I do about it next time I do fall in love?
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.
Hello Jddc

It's very possible that something about 'falling in love' or being in a serious relationship inwardly scares you. Perhaps you think about other 'serious' relationships and the problems they experience or it could be that you are not really sure that you are ready for a serious relationship. There's no rule that says you have to get into a serious relationship by a certain time or age.

Do you feel that you are ready for a serious relationship at this time in your life?

When you don't have desire to have sex with your relationship, are you thinking of sex with other women?

Are you being faithful in your relationships?

Do you feel that you get bored after a certain period of time?


Edited by Ms Chase on 9/22/2009 at 2:28 AM EST
Customer: replied 8 years ago.



Thanks for the reply. I know that I'm in love with the girl, and I know that I can't possibly picture her with anyone else without getting sick to my stomach. I feel like I want to be with her, but I also realize the potential for me to be single and enjoy my mid-20s.


I do sometimes think of sex with other women when I'm in a relationship and I am ashamed to say that I have not been faithful in the relationships I've been in.


I do sometimes feel as if I get bored, but I know that when we break up, I realize I took for granted what I had and it always makes me want her more then ever. I feel like the solution might have to do with me finding ways to spice up a relationship that goes dull either in a sexual way or just a day-to-day way. Please help because I know with my current situation, I do feel as if she might be the one for me, but I want to make sure I will always be as sexual attracted to her and as sexually active as the first few months we knew eachother.