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Walter, Relationship Mentor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 11528
Experience:  Mentoring couples on relationship issue and self understanding. (JA's Relationship Mentor)
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I have been with my boyfriend for about 2 1/2 years. He lives

Customer Question

I have been with my boyfriend for about 2 1/2 years. He lives in a condo with an extra bedroom. My roommate joked about moving in to that room (and I would move in too) and he said yes. I had a feeling that he wasn't serious so I brought the conversation up again and it turned in to a much bigger problem. He said that he didnt want me to move in because he doesn't believe in moving in together unless he is engaged. I was probably stupid for pushing it, but I asked him if he ever thinks we will be engaged. He said that he cant think that far in the future. I told him that there are really only two options for years down the road: break up or get married. I told him that I dont want to get married now, but I do in the future Then he told me that things are moving too fast. I sleep over every night but apparently he has been letting that happy because it makes me happy. I don't want to scare him away but i'm hurt that he doesnt even "maybe, someday" think about marriage with me
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Walter replied 8 years ago.



Men and women think differently in terms of marriage...........if he admits that "maybe, someday" then that is almost like already asking in a mans point of view. That is setting up a commitment that he isn't ready for. The fact is he likely will be ok someday with marriage, but right now saying "yes someday" is like setting it up already.


Your allowing your feelings to get involved here and it is scaring him........the quickest way to run a man off is to jump the gun. He got scared when you brought all this up and he likely is feeling like he is on a narrow path headed right for the alter, which is very scary for some men.


At this point if you want to keep him your going to have to back down a little bit. If he brings it up again, let him know that you were just talking and that marriage is not something your interested in right now......then drop it. Do not let him see this bothers you, otherwise he is going to get the feeling that you want a ring soon.


While 2 and a half years may seem like a while, the reality is it takes a while to get to know someone and it sounds like he is mature enough to know not to jump into anything to quickly. At this point there is no reason to become upset..........he simply told you that while he cares for you that thinking about marriage is not something he is ready for.