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Walter, Relationship Mentor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 11528
Experience:  Mentoring couples on relationship issue and self understanding. (JA's Relationship Mentor)
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I am with this guy for the past 3 years we have a 19 month

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I am with this guy for the past 3 years we have a 19 month old baby girl. I am currently living with my parents because he doesnt pay his taxes, over spends without my agreement, has house, boat, motorhome repossesed thinks its funny and blames it all on the economy. He has moved in with friend. Says all he needs is money and everything will be ok. He drinks alot of beer every night and hangs out with his friends. I have a 6 year old from a previous relationship. I would like to be with this guy but cant get him to make decisions to deal with anything. Cant marry him and be responsible for over 500,000. in debt. He tells me what I want to hear but never does it. Its like talking to a wall. He is so laid back like nothing bothers him at all. I am so frustrated and keep hoping he ll come through. Is there any hope for me?? Of course there is always more to the story....My family is getting frustrated with me its hard for me to make a decision and then there is my history with my first relationship. He is in the picture after a few years of drug dependancy. He now spends time with our 6 year old. I find myself possibly single with two daughters by two different fathers. How did I get here?
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Walter replied 7 years ago.



At some point in all our lives we have to ask ourselves.......How did I get here? But at the end of the day how you got where your at has no real significance on where you go from here. What happened in the past is in the past, no amount of searching or wishing will get you back to where you were. All you have is today.........and tomorrow. You have to stop and look at where you are today, and where you want to be tomorrow and the tomorrow's of the future.


Its time to sit down and take stock of what you have, who you are, and where you want to be. Your family is frustrated because they see you sitting there never moving forward. Yes you have made some mistakes, but do not allow those mistakes to keep you behind. You have two wonderful daughters who need their mother to be strong and show them how to be strong independent women.


Having a man isn't the most important thing in the world, while it would be wonderful if he would stand up and be a man for you and your daughter the fact is he has made his choices and if you continue to hold on he is going to drag you and your children down with him. You do not want to be looking back ten years from now asking "How did I get here" Its time to stand up for yourself and your children and become independent of these men and get your own life in order.


In the end if he wants to change for you he will, if not you are not sitting waiting for him to do the right thing. Right now you have to fix your own life and worry about your children and yourself instead of what he is doing.


His life is spiraling out of control and eventually he is going to hit rock bottom.......I would hate to see you and your children to hit that hard bottom with him. You made the choice to have these children, so now it is time to stand up and raise them. Your daughters deserve the chance to see how strong their mother can be. And you deserve to see yourself become independent and strong. You can do just have to want it!


I can not tell you that you should leave this guy............but take a moment and re read what you wrote above, in the end you already know the answer to your own question. You know what you have to do it, its just a matter of saying "Today is the first day of the rest of our lives" and then start it. In the end only you are holding yourself back from starting that life..................



Edited by Walter on 9/20/2009 at 12:53 PM EST
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Customer: replied 7 years ago.
Thank you I guess deep in my heart I already knew the answer I just needed a fresh opinion... its the same one everyone gives me.. You are right I need to do what is right for myself and children.

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