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Daniel, Solicitor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5708
Experience:  Bachelor of Laws (dist) Graduate Diploma in Legal Practise. Admitted NSW Supreme Court / High Court
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my husband left me 5mnths ago he chose to go and live at his

Customer Question

my husband left me 5mnths ago he chose to go and live at his mothers he has done this before .I have a 15 yr old at home with me that I home school and have health problems of my own.I also have a 28 yr old son who is no longer at home,my husband is and has been very verbally and physically abusive and controlling.He was changing for the better but now his mother has taken control again, he has stopped visiting & communicating with his son for 4 weeks now.He is not acting responsible for anything at all his son has tried emailing him but he just wont answer.I just dont know what to do nothing has been sorted out yet such as our house, money, car, furntiture he has just opted out of everything .I thought if we continued counselling we may get back together he now isnt even talking to me.He has big issues with abandonment from his mother she is very imature and manipulative by always acting helpless and so innocent so he feels responsible for her instead of his own family.
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Walter replied 7 years ago.



Are you looking for legal advice on where you should go from here, or are you seeking relationship advice?



Customer: replied 7 years ago.

Hi I guess both really I am totally isolated where I am living as our house is miles from anywhere we bought here 9 yrs ago so lost contact with everyone and have no family around at all except for my older son who is very ill and has been for yrs he lives with my ex husband now not this one I was married before .I never wanted to buy a house out here but as usual I never got a say in the matter just gave in and did as I was told.Because of my health problems and I dont drive very far & I also have panic attacks when I leave the house for very long which makes everything much harder .My son has aspergers and other learning problems we are getting along so much better and are much less stressed now without my h living here.He has never been of any help from when my son was born he is and was totally absorbed in his work and himself.We have not seen or heard from him for 1 mnth now and he is not taking any resposibility for anything,he wasnt responsibile when he lived here either

just expected everything to be the way he wanted it.I am at a loss of what to do I did not think he would abandon his son they got along quite well but my son never liked his treatment of me and he told him that before he left .Its like he is now hating his own son because my son told him that he has a terrible temper and his behaviour is not ok.I had told my husband this also because the last time he was here he threw something at me and I told him I will not tolerate it any longer.I realise that I should have called the police but I didnt I was too scared to as his mother frightens me as well.This is a very complex situation and I really dont know what to do any help would be appreciated thank you,I live in Australia I am not sure where this site is from ?


Expert:  Walter replied 7 years ago.

Hello Lynn,


It sounds like you have been though the ringer here, and it sounds like you need some legal advice. I am a relationship counselor so I can not help you with the legal aspects but I will go ahead and have this question switched to the legal category where they can assist you with the legal aspects of your question.


You have said he is physically and verbally abusive, and while he may have been working on changing the reality is this is a dangerous situation for you and your child. While it would be great if he could changes, the fact that he has abandoned you and your child tells me he has not changed and likely will not.


Right now you are in a situation where you need to make some changes in your life. But the first step is deciding where to go as far as your marriage. Once you deal with the legal situation you will be more prepared on where to go from here. That may mean moving to where you have more support from your family or finding a support network where you are right now. In the end allowing him back into your life is not a good idea, he has hurt you and your son and right now you need to start picking up the pieces and moving on.


I am going to go ahead and ask the moderators on Just Answer to go ahead and move you to the legal department where you can get the information you need on how to proceed.


Please do not accept this answer, as you will be charged for it. When you get the answer from one of our lawyers you can accept their answer so you do not have to pay us both.


I wish you the best,



Expert:  Daniel replied 7 years ago.
<p>Hello </p><p> </p><p>I would advise you to seek mediation as soon as possible as the matter needs to be resolved. </p><p> </p><p>Under the Family Law Act, it has a provision that mediation needs to be initiated before going to court. </p><p> </p><p>Speak to legal aid immediately. </p><p> </p><p>To answer your question specifically there is a need to look at some issues in relation to the marriage.</p><p> </p><p>Such issues are:</p><p>- The contributions made to re repayments of the home</p><p>- The other financial contributions made ie bills, food etc</p><p>- If there is any other assets inclusive of the marriage - superannuation, business interests, shares, items brought into the marriage etc etc</p><p> </p><p>In short, it is difficult to state that a 50/50 split will be a suitable split, but rather the split will should more or less mirror the contributions made by each party. </p><p> </p><p>In relation to the process, it is usual for you both to try and settle the matter and draft up an order in which you can file with the court. Such an agreement can be done without a court hearing. In any event, it states in the law that you must first undertake mediation before going to court and having the matter heard. </p><p> </p><p>Should the property be sold or refinanced, the it is always subject to the mortgage being dealt with also. </p><p> </p><p>In relation to anything that happens post separation without a property settlement is also an issue that the courts take into account. </p><p> </p><p>My advice would be to try to initiate negotiations with your spouse in an attempt to resolve the matter. The quicker the its resolved the better.</p><p> </p><p>For a basic and crude example: Should you relieve $5000 from someone today, on the basis that you have not yet done a property settlement - he is entitled to a portion of that. This is subject to your ongoing super also. </p><p> </p>Should this be helpful, please click accept. I am also able to answer further questions after accepting.
Customer: replied 7 years ago.
Relist: Inaccurate answer.
I do not work I gave up working at a good job to home school and look after my son full time.He has learning problems and special needs,I need to know what I am entitled to money wise from a divorce.
Expert:  Daniel replied 7 years ago.
<p>Hello again, </p><p> </p><p>contribution is both measured in relation to taking care of the home and raising children as well as making payments. </p><p> </p><p>Taking care of the child full time is a significant contribution factor, especially considering he is a special needs child.</p><p> </p><p>Accordingly, you should be entitled to a significant amount of the property settlement. </p><p> </p><p>It may be argued that you are entitled to just over half the property because you are caring for a special needs child, however it is best to seek legal advice and they should be able to work it out for you more specifically. </p><p> </p><p>Please accept my answer. </p>