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Walter, Relationship Mentor
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  Mentoring couples on relationship issue and self understanding. (JA's Relationship Mentor)
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my boyfriend just left me because i keep throwing his past

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my boyfriend just left me because i keep throwing his past in his face all the time. i dont know what to do. i still lives in our place together. the last time he said to me to be positive and dont focus on the break up. meanwhile i still live in our place where our stuff still around. i dont know what to do i know he still love me and sooner or later he will be back to me with fresh. something that dont know what to do with this break up is everytime i see our stuff just remains me about him and make me really upset. i dont know what to do. should i move out or stay?
the reason i want to keep stay is i want to saw him that i always waiting for him to come back anytime. but i cant handle the stuff and the loneliness.
please give any suggestions.
thank you
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Walter replied 7 years ago.



Staying may seem like the best option if you want him back, but the problem is you are holding on to the past and allowing it to dictate where you are going from here. The fact that this will likely work out isn't enough to make your relationship will end up in this same place again and again until eventually you split for good. The fact is if you want to make this work then you have to make it work!


The first step is letting go of the past. Staying there isn't going to help, regardless of wither you make this work or not you need a positive fresh look at the future. One way is to consider moving into your own apartment. Even though you may get back together, moving into your own place will allow you both the space you need to work on this. It will give you a little independence and give you a more positive spin on getting the help you need.


The fact that you are throwing the past into his face has to stop. If it does not you can pretty much count on this never working out. I am not going to feed you a line, or tell you what you want to hear. You have to change you or your relationship with him will never work out.


I would strongly suggest that you start some therapy. This will help you learn how to deal with the past and how to handle disappointments without trying to hurt him. Every time you throw this up in his face you are trying to hurt him, but in essence are only hurting yourself. Opening up old wounds is always going to hurt......both of you!


By getting your own place and going to therapy this will show him that you are serious about making the changes you need to make in order to work on your relationship with him.


I would suggest that when you both are ready to start again that you take it slow. Instead of just jumping right back into the swing of things try starting from scratch. Date for awhile and get to know each other again before moving in with each other. This will give you both the space to get to know each other and fix the things that went bad. I would also suggest that you both consider a relationship therapist to help you learn how to communicate better when you have a argument without throwing up the past. Communication is key in any relationship and it sounds like you are allowing disagreements to blow into huge hurtful arguments. The therapist will teach you both how to communicate better and thus avoid these big blowups that result in breakups.


Right now I would suggest that you work on yourself.......and eventually everything will fall into place.



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