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Cher, Relationship Enthusiast
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 21446
Experience:  Extensive experience as Educator/Teacher, M.A., Counselor, Spouse, Parent, Psychic Advisor
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why would a man deny his homosexuality/bisexuality---just to

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why would a man deny his homosexuality/bisexuality---just to keep his job?   I knew a guy that i grew up with and he messed around with other men, but passed as staight. he eventually found out that he had hiv and wanted to help others....he became a parole officer but he still had feelings for other men...he actually took on the helper role to younger boys, but he had poor boundaries and had crushes on some of the men/boys that he tried to me, he appears confused but still trying to help others....but giving others mixed messages in the process....i think he could be dangerous if he is not told that his actions may be hurting others...i told him once that i liked him, and he flinched, and laughed it off saying he was straight, but i totally remember that i had conversations with this man years back and he would talk about younger "cuties" he liked/tried to help and his hiv status...what is up with this person?
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Cher replied 8 years ago.
Hi again, and welcome back to Just Answer.

Sometimes, a person will deny their sexual orientation to keep their job, but if it doesn't hurt anybody in the process, no harm is done. After all, a person's sexual orientation is their own business and if their job is unaffected by that, there's no need for anyone else to know whether they are a homosexual/bisexual or straight.

However, in your description of the situation with this particular man, if he is in a position to be in contact with other men through his job and he has crossed boundaries in the past, although he is trying to help others, this is not appropriate. If you are male as well, and you told him you liked him, but he laughed it off, as if you were so completely wrong re: his homosexual or straight status, he is in denial and is most likely afraid to admit this, because if the news became public, he might be in danger of losing his job.

Don't take it personally; he's fooling himself and trying to fool others, but if you know for a fact that he is HIV+ and remember these past conversations, you didn't imagine anything. He's just trying to play it safe.

Some men have more trouble than others, admitting to their sexual orientation status, truthfully, and you're completely right, he could be sending mixed messages, and be dangerous if he is trying to take advantage of those he's trying to help, due to their vulnerable position.

Cher and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Cher replied 8 years ago.
Hello again,

Thanks very much for your accept and most generous bonus.

I wish you much good luck!

Cher (I'm sending this as an 'info request', so you are not prompted to hit 'accept' again)