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KimberlyF
KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
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I have been with my boyfriend for 1.5 years, living with him

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I have been with my boyfriend for 1.5 years, living with him for the past 6 months. He has been married previously with 2 children from that marriage. The kids love me, and we have a great time together. Our relationship was really at its peak (for me at least), where I was completely in love and always considering everything for the both of us. He tried to mention marriage and our future, but I was never one to respond to those things and leave it as "let's talk about it soon". Recently, 2 major events have transformed our relationship. 1. He went on a business trip, got very drunk, went to a strip club, and almost invited one of the strippers to his room. I found this accidentally on his phone. Nothing happened, but he does not even remember going to to the strip club because of his drinking. I almost left, but we decided to try. Since then he no longer drinks and things are slowly getting back in order. 2. He got a job in another country and wants me to move with him. Help!
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 7 years ago.
Customer

 

I would think hard about moving to be with him until he can prove to you that he will not start drinking again and will not go to strip clubs you don't want to go to another country and things not work out for you and then you end up coming home alone. With that being said if he has proved to you that he wants this to work and you have a future together then I would consider going with him you already live to together so it won't be much different the only difference is that you will be living in another country. What you need to do is talk to him about where this relationship is headed before you accept going with him because if he doesn't see a future in it then you might as well not go with him but if he sees a future with you it won't be much different than how you are living now. You have to be able to trust him and know that he won't do anything to hurt you. On the other hand you have to commend him he had enough self control not to do something stupid even though he was drinking and doesn't remember even going to the strip club and knew it was time to give up drinking. If you love him you will give it a chance, if you know you will be more miserable without him than with him then you know what you have to do. Communicate the plans with him and see if it sounds like something you may be interested in doing.

Customer: replied 7 years ago.
Thank you Kimberly. I couldnt actually finish writing the full question due to text limits. .. I would love to move, but I don't want to take the risk of moving without a ring on my finger. However, I dont want an engagement to be based on pressure of moving to another country. I'm a fairy tale kind of girl and want him to do it because he wants to not because he has to. In addition to that, the way that his 1st wife and him got married was because he got a job in another country and she refused to go without getting married (she wanted the wedding before the move). So they got married (very young) and the marriage fell apart. So now he is expressing to me that he wants to get married, eventually if we see how it goes. He doesnt want it to be the sole reason for me moving there especially after this (strip/drinking) incident.
I know life itsnt a fairy tale, but I just want the proposal to be the one and only, as special, and surprising. Im stuck between killing my fairy tale dream or moving without a ring.
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 7 years ago.
Customer

 

There is no quicker way to lose a relationship than putting too many demands on your mate or pushing them into doing something they felt they were not ready for, if you want a fairy tale engagement then don't do it by pressuring him into making a decision. I would serious consider moving there before the ring and maybe the ring will come next but if you want him to do it because he wanted to then you have to go at his pace as long as he doesn't make you wait too long. You can still have that fairytale engagement just after you move together.

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