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KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  Relationship expert for almost three years with
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This is still eating me alive. Three years ago, my brother

Customer Question

This is still eating me alive. Three years ago, my brother and his wife got married. I was not included in the wedding. My husband was. He was a groomsman. My brother and I, I thought, were very close. There are three years separating us, and I used to support him immensely in all of his activities. I felt horrible upon learning that they were not going to include me in the wedding, to which Billie, my sister-in-law, only replied that she had already had her bridesmaids chosen for years (she was previously engaged so said that they were the same ones she was going to use before), and that it was nothing personal. My contention was that couldn't you add just one more person? What would it hurt? I was even more hurt when my brother didn't stand up for me, which meant one of two things: either he was holding a grudge against me about something unknown to me, or he was just scared to stand up to her. Am I justified in the hurt that I feel? Please help!
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 8 years ago.


You have the right to be upset because it's your brother but it isn't fair to blame him he really has nothing to do with choosing the bridal party it is only up to the bride just like it's only up to him to pick his groomsmen. Don't hold a grudge like she said it was nothing personal it's just how she has wanted it for years. It may not have been in the budget to add one more person but don't let this divide the family unit. If the wedding as already happened then you have to let this go you talked to both of them and they explained their sides so be forgiving and realize that your family was represented by your husband. If your brother truly held a grudge he would not ask your husband to be part of the big day, so your family was represented through him. It's not your brother's fault his fiancee' already had her wedding party chosen many years ago, many young women dream about how their big day is going to be even before having a boyfriend and they even know who they want to be in their wedding party also. Don't let one day break up your brother's and yours relationship.