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KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience:  Relationship expert for almost three years with
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I broke up with my boyfriend on last week. We had been friends

Customer Question

I broke up with my boyfriend on last week. We had been friends for over 14 years and recently started to date in January 2009. We were in a serious relationship. We talked about marriage and planning a future. However, he has a job that he travels with 1/2 of the year. So, once the traveling started in July, we stopped talking every day and he was no longer making plans to see me. So, out of frustration and haste, I broke up with. I also told him that if his job took him out of the country, then we would have to be engaged or married. HE responded by saying "that he could not be with me and travel". He also asked me "besides giving me the ring, wasn't he doing right by in the relationship?" I told him "yes, up until he went on the road." He then proceeded to ask me "if he could call me" and told him "No" . It was just out of anger. after careful, thinking I realized i made a mistake. What should i do? I texted him a couple days ago,, but have not heard back from him.
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 8 years ago.


He may be still upset and felt that you just disregarded his feeling what you are going to do is text him and tell him that after long thought you realized that you were being selfish and didn't consider his feelings in that thought process and explain to him that you were angry because you no longer had him with you. He has to see that you are going to consider his feelings when it comes to decision making. Apologize for your behavior and tell him you want another chance and that you love him and should have never broken up with him. He may need some time to get over the hurt he felt when you abruptly broke up with him. Try calling and if that doesn't work then text him telling him how you feel and how you want him back but you are going to have to admit that you were wrong and are you willing to do that? I would text him again and ask if when he is in town again if the two of you can get together and talk things out and see if he replies either text him or email him and explain what happened and why you did what you did.

Customer: replied 8 years ago.

He did not fight me on the breakup. He seemed to agree. He kept saying, "this is what you want" and he wants to focus on his career. I told him, he could do both (personal and career) and then it came back to the engagement. his last words to me, after he previously asked could he call and I told him '"no" was can he call me the following evening? We were on the phone late into the night and both had to go to work the next day. i told him "yes" at the time, but he has not called. We are both 32 years old.

Expert:  KimberlyF replied 8 years ago.


It may be up to you to call him he may still be a little hurt and you really need to tell him your true feelings and not speak out of anger. Think before you speak this way you won't say or do anything you will regret. It comes down to communicating your feelings to him and apologizing to him about your actions. The only way you may be able to fix things is to talk this through either over the phone or if you can not get a hold of him then text him and see where that gets you and don't get angry that he hasn't called he may be busy with work and his career.

Customer: replied 8 years ago.

How long should I wait before I text him and/or call him? I do not want to appear weak or needy.

Expert:  KimberlyF replied 8 years ago.


I would wait a couple of days to let him cool down a bit and then try to call and see if he picks up the phone and talks to you. Give a week at the most so that you don't seem like you are trying to pressure him into talking to you and remember this time you have to go at his pace right now.

Customer: replied 8 years ago.
Based on your responses...I am unsure as to whether to call, e-mail, and/or text first.
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 8 years ago.


If you can get a hold of him then I would call him and talk to him but if you cannot get a hold of him that way then either email or text your feelings as long as he sees that you are sorry and that you made a mistake and you want another chance. It really doesn't matter how you do it as long as you can tell him how you were feeling and why you did what you did, you don't want to turn around one day and live with regrets for not telling him how you felt and at least trying to get him back.

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Customer: replied 7 years ago.



Thanks so much for your advice. I did not get him by phone, so I sent him a text, apologizing for being selfish and inconsiderate of his feelings. I told him I made a bad decision in haste and asked if when he came back to the area could we talk. He agreed, so hopefully within the upcoming weeks or month, we will talk. I will not push, just to wait to hear from him. You were right. Any other heplful advice.


Thanks again.

Expert:  KimberlyF replied 7 years ago.


Remember this may be your only chance to get him to listen and forgive you and possibly give you another chance so make sure you are honest about your feelings and what you want to happen next don't let this chance get away and then regret it later.

Customer: replied 7 years ago.

Good afternoon, Kimberly:


It has been a lil over a month. I am really starting to become concerned. I have yet to hear from him. Like I said, I knew he would be traveling at least until October (that's when we made plans prior to breaking up); however, no word since he agreed to talk seems odd. I called him about a week ago, just to let him know that "I was thinking about him and I missed and loved him". I left a message on his voicemail (1 in the morning - I could not sleep and he was on my mind). I did not ask him to call me back. I do not know what to do. I did not contact him in between the time he agreed to talk, I just thought I would give him some space. I know his personality, so I believe he is a person of his word, I just think he is pre-occupied with his career (job). What to do? II can not trust my "gut" feelings, because they are all over the place.