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I am 36 years old and have been dating my boyfriend for about

Customer Question
a year and a half...
I am 36 years old and have been dating my boyfriend for about a year and a half. We had been friends for about a year before anything intimate evolved. Just after our relationship changed, he moved to another city out of the state. Shortly thereafter, I was laid off from my job. We decided that I should move in with him out of state as a sort of trial for living together. After I moved up with him, he, too, was laid off from work. During the time we lived together, we had a blast and loved our time together. After the lease was up on our apartment, he decided to move back to Colorado, his home town. I have been living with my parents in Florida, my hometown, since then. He really wants me to move to Colorado with him and I miss him terribly. If my family wasn't a thought, I would move out in a heartbeat. However, I am having such difficulty leaving my mom. I want the lifestyle that he and I can have in Colorado, but hate leaving my family. I would appreciate any advice.
Submitted: 8 years ago.Category: Relationship
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Answered in 3 minutes by:
8/19/2009
Counselor: KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert replied 8 years ago
KimberlyF
KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience: Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
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Customer

 

-Why are you having such a problem leaving your mother and family? Is she in ill health?

 

-How did your mother live without you when you and he lived to together?

 

-How does your mother feel about you possibly leaving?

 

As soon as I get a reply with more information I will be better able to give you the answer you need.

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Customer reply replied 8 years ago

My mother and I have always been VERY close. She is my best friend. She is not in ill health nor is she in any way a concern. She is married to a wonderful man, my stepfather. I just feel I will miss her terribly and would live close to them if my boyfriend were not in the picture.

 

While I lived in Georgia, she was very sad in the beginning, but fine after awhile. I was very homesick in the beginning, too, but fine after awhile and had a blast with my boyfriend. Georgia was much closer (a quick car ride) to home, though. Colorado is across the country. I think, psychologically, that makes it much different for us both.

 

My mother and family LOVE my boyfriend and are accepting of me moving away. I just know that it is very overwhelming for her and for me. If I decide to move to CO, it could mean that eventually we start a family and it would, most likely, be there. That, too, makes me sad as I would love to have my mother close to me for that time in my life.

Counselor: KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert replied 8 years ago
Customer

 

If you know for a fact that this is the man you want to be with then you have to follow your heart and then deal with the heartbreak of being so far from your family like you said your mother is sad at first but I'm sure her and the family only want for you to be happy and if that means leaving and going across the country for that happiness they would much rather want that than for you to be there in Florida and be miserable without your boyfriend. You don't want to look back years from now and regret any decision that you made as far as your boyfriend is concerned like what if you stayed in Florida but in the end lost your relationship with the boyfriend because you grew apart because of the distance. Even if you were to move to Colorado it's not like you will never see your family again make that your yearly vacation to visit your family and friends back home. There are many people that move far away from home for work or other reasons because of the economy and although it's a huge adjustment and hard to get used to but they do because they want a better life for themselves.

 

The question you have to ask yourself is do you care about your partner and are you committed enough to make such a drastic move and leave all that you've known for your whole life or at least a good portion of your life? If you've moved around a lot, this transition won't be such a big deal. You'll be used to pulling up your roots and starting all over again, but if you're not used to it, you could have a problem and you'll need to work on adjusting to your new location. Have you thought about your job or means of supporting yourself? This is another big factor that needs to be considered? Would it be easy for you to get a job in the new location where he lives? Love is awesome and being in love is such a great experience. When that love has grown into something greater, it's such an exciting time in your life. Deciding to relocate for love will take a good deal of soul searching and reality checking, but if you are truly in love with you mate, it could be worth the time and effort to relocate and adjust to the new location.

 

Remember that your family only wants what is best for you and makes you happy and though they will miss you they will be happy as long as you are happy. You can visit each other after some time and saved money so it's not like it's totally impossible to see your family again and allow them to share in your joy of children and marriage if that is what you choose and nowadays there are so many ways to communicate long distance, phones, cell phones and texting, computer cams, video voice messaging, it's almost like you are close but really aren't. Don't let this opportunity get away, don't end up living with regrets for not going for love and even though you family makes you happy want to have love and commitment and possibility of children.

KimberlyF
KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
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Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience: Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
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