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KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  Relationship expert for almost three years with
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I have been dating someone for almost 6 years, three of which

Resolved Question:

I have been dating someone for almost 6 years, three of which were long distance. About 3 months ago he said he wanted to take a break, so we did, but we have still talked at least once a week and seen each other once. during this time he said he needed to be alone, we needed a fresh start, he was trying to change his life, etc. this week he told me that he has been dating two girls (who do not know about each other, but do know about me) since about a month or two before we broke up. He said he was trying to ease me out of the relationship. He said about two years ago he felt like he wanted to see other people, he wasnt happy, but he felt like i would fall apart if he did. He said he felt a huge responsibility to stay with me, and therefore his feelings never grew, and now he doesn't care enough to stay. He said he loves me as a person, he loves the person I am, and that I'm his friend, but that he needs to see what else is out there. He said he knows he should have told me how he felt a long time ago, maybe things could have been different, and he hates that he is the person who cheated on me. He said that he wants me to move on with my life and date other people. I am moving to NY (which is where he lives) in a month, and he said he doesn't know if we will see or talk to one another. He is still going to date. He is leaving for Italy for two weeks, and after all that he said, he said he will bring me back something though he has no idea when he will give it to me. I'm so confused, and hurt, I haven't been able to function for three days. I don't know what to do. I really love him. Is it over? What can I do? I need a detailed plan, as I have a really hard time with this kind of stuff.
This is urgent, I can barely eat.
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 8 years ago.


When you break up with someone that you have been with for so long it's hard to get over the breakup and figure out how to move on from the relationship, you are still hurting and feeling confused and not sure whether you still love your ex or despise him for putting you through the breakup, take time out and write a heart-felt letter to your ex. Here you can express exactly how you feel about how he handle everything and how he broke up with you. Tell him how much you cared for him, but also how angry you are about how he disregarded your feelings and the relationship. It's going to take some time for you to heal as if you lost a loved one there is a grieving process that you have to go through during a break up also. Try not to be alone during this time this is when you are really going to need your friends around you and emotional support, you need to go on a 30 day detox from your ex. This means no contact, no phone calls, nothing. One of the worse things to do when getting over a break up is to hold your emotions in. In other words, if you feel like crying, cry. Don't be ashamed or embarrassed to cry. Crying is a natural and healthy way for men and women to deal with their emotions. You will be amazed at how better you feel after a good cry.


The worse thing you can do is to stay at home thinking about the break up. You will drive yourself crazy thinking 'what if I did this differently or why did this happen to me' over and over again. Get out and enjoy time with friends or family, rejuvenate your mind and body in the fresh air. Depression is a major problem after a break up, one of the major causes of depression is feeling sorry for yourself. It's normal to be sad and down after a break up but you don't need to dwell on it forever, after some time you will have to forget about the past and move on but give yourself at least a month to do all of this. Start off talking to someone and writing the letter about feelings and then send the letter to him as your closure and then the other steps can follow. Then reconnect with friends or make new ones so to occupy your time and not spend all of your free time thinking about him. Then when you feel the time is right get out and start dating again but take it slow don't just jump into another serious relationship.

Customer: replied 8 years ago.

What I really want to know is, is there a way to bring him back so we can have a fresh start?


Also, once someone cheats, will they do it again?

Expert:  KimberlyF replied 8 years ago.


I'm a firm believe that once a cheater NOT always a cheater I believe that if the person that committed the indiscretion wants to change and be a better person and have self control then they will not cheat again. As far as getting him back I don;t think that will happen now because he made it clear he wants to see other people and is not ready for a serious relationship. In order for a relationship to work both partners need to want to be there and right now he is not ready to have that with you or anyone else right now, maybe later down the line the two of you can start out as friends and go from there but right now it's important for you to get over the breakup before you could even consider being his friend because you will have to be able to separate your feeling for him from being his friend.

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