Have Relationship Questions? Ask a Counselor for Answers ASAP
When you break up with someone that you have been with for so long it's hard to get over the breakup and figure out how to move on from the relationship, you are still hurting and feeling confused and not sure whether you still love your ex or despise him for putting you through the breakup, take time out and write a heart-felt letter to your ex. Here you can express exactly how you feel about how he handle everything and how he broke up with you. Tell him how much you cared for him, but also how angry you are about how he disregarded your feelings and the relationship. It's going to take some time for you to heal as if you lost a loved one there is a grieving process that you have to go through during a break up also. Try not to be alone during this time this is when you are really going to need your friends around you and emotional support, you need to go on a 30 day detox from your ex. This means no contact, no phone calls, nothing. One of the worse things to do when getting over a break up is to hold your emotions in. In other words, if you feel like crying, cry. Don't be ashamed or embarrassed to cry. Crying is a natural and healthy way for men and women to deal with their emotions. You will be amazed at how better you feel after a good cry.
The worse thing you can do is to stay at home thinking about the break up. You will drive yourself crazy thinking 'what if I did this differently or why did this happen to me' over and over again. Get out and enjoy time with friends or family, rejuvenate your mind and body in the fresh air. Depression is a major problem after a break up, one of the major causes of depression is feeling sorry for yourself. It's normal to be sad and down after a break up but you don't need to dwell on it forever, after some time you will have to forget about the past and move on but give yourself at least a month to do all of this. Start off talking to someone and writing the letter about feelings and then send the letter to him as your closure and then the other steps can follow. Then reconnect with friends or make new ones so to occupy your time and not spend all of your free time thinking about him. Then when you feel the time is right get out and start dating again but take it slow don't just jump into another serious relationship.
What I really want to know is, is there a way to bring him back so we can have a fresh start?
Also, once someone cheats, will they do it again?
I'm a firm believe that once a cheater NOT always a cheater I believe that if the person that committed the indiscretion wants to change and be a better person and have self control then they will not cheat again. As far as getting him back I don;t think that will happen now because he made it clear he wants to see other people and is not ready for a serious relationship. In order for a relationship to work both partners need to want to be there and right now he is not ready to have that with you or anyone else right now, maybe later down the line the two of you can start out as friends and go from there but right now it's important for you to get over the breakup before you could even consider being his friend because you will have to be able to separate your feeling for him from being his friend.